The Coriolis Effect

Old Shell

2010-04-07T05:00:00.002+08:00

Goodbye blogger.

I will now post at nazry.tumblr.com

Fragility

2010-03-01T01:04:00.003+08:00

Test after test, I hope it's because He loves me too.

Looking back on my life
Life that's gladly been given to me
Open my eyes and embrace the smile
Given to you & I

Looking back on my life
No regret only the sweet journey
Lessons from the simple steps
Taken by you & I

Staring outside, there was something I realized
Tomorrow the sun will rise,
and together we'll see
The beauty of Eternity

If I worship You in fear of hell, burn me in it
And if I worship You in hope of paradise, exclude me from it
But if I worship You for Your own being
Don't withhold from me Your everlasting beauty

"mercy"

Kick the bucket.

2010-03-01T00:37:00.002+08:00

In the literal sense. Since his passing, my head hasnt stopped and sat. It feels like its been running non stop, from what, i do not know.

The song, "beyond words" has been on replay since 9p.m.
That makes it effectively 3 hours, 43 mins listening to this song. Something i've never done before. Am i letting this affect me too much? You must realize that it's not the loss of a friend that i'm saddened by.

Think about it for a moment, the journey from meeting Izrael, to the burial, to the questioning by Mungkar and Nangkir, the punishment just associated with the answers given to them.

And while they - my friend and my other relatives, wait, I can't help but feel the fear of death.
I've been told that his passing is just a reminder, and it's also because the most High loves him. But they're right. It is a strong reminder to me, of our mortality, and our preparation when we face Him. Because we'll never be prepared, for death, never.

The fragility of life has been presented to me once again. It's pretty obvious that i cant be bogged down by this tragic event. But i just need time to mourn for him.

And i need time to re-digest whatever i've just shared with you.

"beauty of eternity"

For The Record

2010-02-11T21:57:00.002+08:00

ORD OH!

ive crossed another important milestone in my life, which is, the completion of full time service NS. See, it wasnt so bad, the thought of AWOL never came across my mind, tsk tsk. Shame on you deserters. Bring more trouble to yourself.

Anyway, if any of the Rota 1 personnel of Clementi Fire Station read this, please know that it's been an honour serving with you, the people who've had years of experience, and allowing me the chance to lead you into the face of infernos. And for that, thank you for sharing your experience, and your knowledge, and forgive me for my errant actions during my one year stint.
You know what, not just rota 1, the whole gang there made life a tad bit bearable.

Of course, who can forget my 41st BOC buddies whom i treated like real brothers. Those team spirit crap that people try to teach you in a matter of 3 days and 2 nights? Absolute crap. Humans learn fastest by making the worst mistakes possible - helmet throwing, flying fists, and unpleasant words, followed by sincere apologies, now that's the proper way of learning what team spirit is. Thank you for the 9 months of blood, sweat, tears and sleepless nights towards our goal of Commissioning.

And last but not least, one special mention to my former girlfriend, Nuzurath. As of now i will officially nickname you, my NS sweetheart. Kinda like high school sweetheart, but because you took me through NS, hence the name.

Strong, resilient, lovable, are just scraping the surface, the fact that you were there for me for 2 years while i was serving the country, patient, and always willing to listen me rant (which, i admire your high tolerance of my ranting - every G.O.NSF has to put up with it). My pillar of strength and courage, and as I've mentioned to you a million times before, you're the driving force that pushes me on, when im about to give up. So thank you, for walking with me through this stage of my life.

I guess that's it for now. Imma sit back and hang for a while, till either the camps, or interview date arrives. So till next time!

"light it up"

The Last Swan Song

2010-02-01T18:03:00.004+08:00

It's been ages since i last blogged. Basically cause i've been through an emotional roller coaster the past month. Nuzurath and I are no longer together, and honestly, it's hitting hard on me. But i have to be strong, and respect her decision, and in directly, i am respecting her parents' decision as well.

We've decided to make it a clean break, which means that we will just be going our separate ways, hopefully, not crossing each others paths anytime soon. And this, was after having to fight a staff room fire at ITE Dover Campus on the 31st January 2010.

Call came in at 6, the rest of the details are here, and that is about as much as you can know - http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1034351/1/.html

here are some pictures

And that's why the title of this post is aptly named. A final goodbye to Nuzurath this morning, and a final fire to end my stint in Clementi Fire Station.

And to Nuzurath, here's a dedication to you.
The song is by Owl City, and it's called vanilla twilight.
Song talks about a boy who misses his girl, but hopes that someday, he'll see her again.

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

Time will heal our hearts, eventually.
But rest assured, i'll miss those times we had together.

"goodbye dear"

2nd Year

2010-01-05T17:15:00.004+08:00

I spent my second day off at home today, resting, or rather on the computer.
Didnt get to sleep in because of the alarm that was supposed to wake me up so that i can prepare myself to meet her.

Well, since that plan was foiled, i sat in front of the monitor the whole afternoon. Of course im not one to complain alot, a lazy day at home sounds good when tomorrow you have to do a breathing apparatus test.

Anyway, as of today, Nuzurath and I have been together for 2 years. I honestly dont know where to start, except to say that im pleasantly happy to be with her in a so-far-ongoing-and-still-stable relationship. Things havent really been a bed of roses with distance and parents dictating our lives, but its definitely a happy relationship - and that's because we know each other well, and talk out what's on our minds most of the time. Arguments are part and parcel of any relationship, but we've never had a major quarrel over the pettiest things.

In any case, she's been a wonderful person to be with. I've always had reservations when the word trust comes up. Because, i'd be honest, i've seen too many girls betray their ever-so-loyal boyfriends. And trust me, im not kidding. But after being around her for some time, i realised that i felt that 'chemistry' that is really hard to describe.

I'm sure i can fill this post up with lots of compliments about her, but i'll just keep it short and sweet with the following.

Yes, best of all, loves me. She's pretty too.

And to all, wishing you a happy new year, and may your resolutions come true.

Perhaps this saying (which i got off an SBS bus) might inspire you

'It is the attitude at the beginning of a difficult task, which will, more than anything else, affect its sucessful outcome'

I for one, shall be more thrifty this year. I hope.

"2009 wasnt a bitch"

Celebrity Infidelity

2009-12-16T10:55:00.002+08:00

now, i dont know much about golf, but that doesnt matter.
because the question at hand is more of, why do nice men stray?

the answer : nice men dont stray. It's as simple as that. And if you're gonna try convince me that nice men stray, dont bother. Because the average fool is gonna have to cross the Kalahari and back in order to do so. Mr. Tiger gave in to weakness, and i'm very positive that he's sorry about it. As for the wife? Well, a powerful woman like that wont bother staying true to a liar, i mean, whatever for? She'll walk out on him and just find another guy.

That aside, i'm sure each of us has their own thoughts about their marriage. But i'm more intrigued by the fact that tonnes of women are coming up to claim that they did spend one 'heavenly' or 'wild' night with the professional golfer.

Dumbass b*tches.

The only one that tiger woods had an affair with, was the first woman that the media brought to light. Come on, him, with pornstars? What bad liars they are, claiming they can prove it. Of course, the media is also having fun presenting these 'juicy' stories for the men and women who're serious into the sport. Be it, recreationally or professionally. And yes, you guessed it. It's for the ratings, the readership level, and the works.

The media after all, is a chief ideological weapon for the government. It sways the mind of people extremely easily. So, why not make false claims and tell the world that i had an affair with the 'Tiger'? And that's how anchovies (or ikan bilis) gain popularity amongst the 7 seas.

Well, i guess i said my 2 pence's worth. Till next time.

"like a retard's trust in a liar"

2 Bravo

2009-11-30T20:21:00.002+08:00

Alright, i'm just gonna mark this in my 'diary'.

Today was the day i passed my 2B motorcycle Traffic Police test with a whole bunch of other people, in a very classroom like setting. Unlike my class 3 test, the tester wasnt beside me with a tablet PC, and the experience was rather unique. It just seemed that the driving center's circuit became an examination hall, and amidst roaring engines, everyone was quiet, no one talked to each other even though communication was allowed in this 'exam hall'.

The testers were placed strategically around the circuit and also on the test route. However, their presence werent as intimidating as compared to one of them sitting right next to me in a car.

After the test, all 91 of us settled in one of the classrooms of the driving school, awaiting results. The testers came in, calling the registration numbers of those who failed. Upon hearing "53" my heart skipped a beat, because i was number 54.

After much waiting, the chief instructor came into the room, and gave the confirmation, "Congratulations, you all here (in the room) passed". And the joy that filled the air was like the recruits of BMT throwing their no.4 cap into the air. Notice how i didnt say it was like throwing my no.1 peak cap during my BOC POP?

Anyway, it's starting to look like a good way to wrap up the year. 6 troublemakers ORD-ing in a few days time, OC isnt around in station, and most importantly, sweetie's coming back - the icing on cake.

Well, with regards to getting more licenses, I've hit a barrier now, can't take 2A because i need to hold a 2b license for at least 1 year, and i'm a year younger than the age requirement for class 4 - not too fancy about taking class 4, but i do want to go up all the way to get a class 2 license.

I'm hitting the sack. work tomorrow. ugh.

"nothing in light"

Sunburnt

2009-11-14T21:45:00.002+08:00

oh yes, it's been a really long while since i got the accursed sunburn and scratches to the supple palms. And after today, i feel glad that i have them, okay maybe not the cut to the palm. Seeing as to how i've been stuck in the urban jungle, protected from the harmful UV rays by layers of fabric every single time i turn out or from 9.30am - 12pm every duty. I must say that i miss being with the elements and doing things like kayaking, rock climbing, dragon boating.

But too much of a good thing is bad. So do everything in moderation.

Anyway, there's nothing much to do online really. Hmm. I'm missing someone at the moment, can you guess who it is?

Oh yeah, can someone please remind me to get that tantalizing game called Modern Warfare 2?
Thanks. I'll love you if you do. *hint hint*

"waiting for you"

The Only Exception

2009-11-09T15:06:00.005+08:00

As i told my girlfriend earlier today, that my plans today involve me being at home, and becoming rollie-pollie, which means getting fat. And yes, i did just that - switched on the computer, and watched 'The Ugly Truth'. Another nice love movie - something i would wanna watch with my girl or alone at home, of course, seeing as how i did not manage to watch it with her, the second option would be to watch it at home alone.

and the getting fat part - i opened a bag of sour cream chips, and was that close to finishing them. And guess what? i didnt eat lunch. I suppose they did their job of making me feel full. Sadly, as much as i wanted to stop, i couldnt. Oh you know, the dangers of snacking on junk food. Once you start, it's hard to stop.

apart from snacking on chips and watching movies that i wanted to, but couldnt, i did a lil review on the cars that i have my eye on, and when i do that, i find myself being that kid that is eager for that new toy, but doesnt have enough money for it.

Yeah, speaking about cars, i think lots of drivers need constant reminding that the road tax they are paying, is meant for the condition of the roads, and not for them to think that they OWN the roads.

Maybe we should learn from India - put up signs like the ones you're about to see.

Then, the more hilarious ones,

love the last one.

Anyway, i cant wait for my dearest to return, back here for the weekend, then i'll have a whole 2 months with her when she returns in december. Oh and that very first picture you saw at the start of this post? I just wanted to admit that i used to be like that - a liar. And the person that i am now, is mainly due to who else?

oh by the way nuzurath, dont forget to pack your smile with you when you leave for Singapore :)

I'll be waiting.

"if i sing this loud enough"

War is a drug

2009-11-03T16:00:00.003+08:00

it's been a while since i even went out for recreational purposes. lately it's either work, rest, or the driving school. Hey, i'm determined to get that bike license simply because it's something i've wanted, and worked for - having the license doesnt mean i'll own a bike.

Lockers, are something that i was only introduced to when i was in my late teens. 17 to be exact, when i first entered junior college. I had to have my own locker back then cause i was sick and tired of having to transport a bag full of books.

From days as a student cum school athlete, to days as a soldier, and eventually, a firefighter, lockers have been a constant comfort zone to return to after going through a hard day.

Relishing the chance before the movie, or rather the film, was no longer playing in cinemas, i took this opportunity to catch 'The Hurt Locker'. Here's the poster for it.

reviews were solid and reputable, backed up with solid trailers, it had to be a must watch, plus, it had been a while since i went out for a movie. Not to forget, that i have a thing for movies based on the real deal. So the story revolves around a team belonging to the elite Explosive Ordnance Defusal (EOD) unit, based in Iraq, tasked to defuse Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs) made by Iraqi insurgents, and their erratic team leader who is seen as reckless and unfazed by the prospect of death everytime he suits up in the EOD9 suit.

Just like the film, Valkryie, the movie isnt choc full a block with action, because basically it's main motive is like as Khalid said, "not for entertainment value". And my 35 cents worth? it'll get a 4 out of 5. There were points of time in the movie where i felt it was quiet for too long. And also, the cameras werent the stable kind, most of them shaky.

anyway, time to tune in the tube. i'll end this post here.

"face it"

Dear Agony

2009-10-27T19:20:00.001+08:00

"distance"

Final Stage

2009-10-25T18:27:00.002+08:00

Like Michael Jackson's "this is it", practical lesson 8.01 is the last practical lesson for a learner 2B rider at Bukit Batok Driving Center.

Anyway, i have to blog about this cause i just wanna get it off my chest. I dont know how many times i've mentioned that since the birth of this blog, but here i go.

I started my morning at 8.30, dragged my sorry self out of bed and into the water closet. A solid 10 minutes in there, then breakfast, then out the door at 9.20. I had practical stage 7.01 at 9.50am.
We learnt how to execute a u-turn, and trust me, as a learner, the restrictions imposed on you can sometimes feel a little unreasonable - especially the 'footed' restriction, which means, your right leg can never touch the ground.

I honestly hate that rule - look at how many riders out there stop with their right foot on the ground!

So as the lesson progressed, the first few raindrops turned into needles that pierced into my face.
Stopping for a red light, cats and dogs fell from the sky. Got wet, and subsequently, the lesson ended. I passed that stage, thankfully.
Proceeded to book the final stage, and discovered that there was a slot available in half an hour's time. So i confirmed my booking, and dried my riding 'attire', while waiting for lesson to begin.

Prac 8.01 was a mock TP test. In short, i got an immediate failure mistake for putting my right leg down just before executing a u-turn. 16 points though, if i had not 'footed' i would have passed, and saved myself $33. Bleah, but that's past already.

Move on, must learn from mistakes, no one's perfect. Cliched, but true nonetheless.

Ah, but that aside, i've reasons to be happy. And they are as follows :
1. I've got the latest Breaking Benjamin album
2. I'm gonna watch a war movie soon.
3. Looking at recent pictures of dearest has had me smiling ear to ear.

Arguments are inevitable. But the most important thing is to take away the learning point.
I miss you.

Okay, time to crash. Out.

"Dear Agony"

Two - Zero

2009-10-10T21:49:00.004+08:00

the big two - zero arrives, and i end my teenage years having never done anything really regretful that my other peers may have. One doesnt really need to crack the brain in order to figure what those are.

i'm not much of a celebratory person. I only spent my day at home, and that was it. of course, i rented a car, cause i was planning to go out during the weekend, and also to sharpen my driving skills. It was more than a month since i touched the steering wheel. The car this time wasnt much different from the very first car i rented. It was the Fiat Bravo T-jet.

Of course, khalid and me were curious as to the difference between this model and the normal Bravo. Other than the stereo system itself and controls on the steering wheel, the difference in power or overall control of the car wasnt obvious at all.

Was out with my family on saturday. We went to my cousin's open house, followed by a trip down to Brickworks hawker center to say hi to my dad's old friend who was selling satay. Dad bought a total of 40 sticks of satay - God knows how much that cost, cause dad paid for it. After that was a trip home.

The next day was a busy day for me. Went down to station in the morning to settle some work related matters, and that was followed up with a trip down to the driving center for my bike lesson. After that, drove down to Pasir Ris to begin the picking up of friends, then to Jurong, and finally to Redhill. While waiting for one of them to finish their hockey game at delta stadium. While waiting, Khalid had to run an errand. Which involved driving to Mustafa Center.

this was on the main road, beside Angulia Mosque - as you can see, people were already jaywalking when the light was green for vehicles.

Again, just take a closer look at the pavement, people were basically spilling onto the road.Have you been to that part of Singapore? I'd be honest with you, on weekdays it's still Singapore, but try going there on a saturday and sunday. By God, it becomes Mumbai. It was tough to drive through a sea of humans - well, i think it's also because Deepavali's next week. Thankfully there was a police patrol car in that area so we followed behind the patrol car.Half-clutch control is important here - i'd say you'll earn experience points navigating through here.
After having navigate through that horrid place, we went back to Redhill to pick up the two, then headed down to Simpang Bedok - for the first time in my life - for a makan session. And the recommended place by the 3 regulars down there, was partially filled up with patrons. We found a place to sit, which was much easier than finding a place to park. The menu kept me contemplating among the various and tantalizing choices. But i finally settled on having Black Pepper Crayfish. Sorry, I am a sucker for crustaceans, especially those which dont involve much effort in removing the meat.

the "Bullet Pepper Steak" for khalid.

"Lebanese Rotisserie Chicken" - for hazreen
zahir ordered lasagne which i didnt take a picture of,
and of course, the black pepper crayfish that cost me a whopping $18, but hey, it was worth the money.
After feeling full, we drove down to Arab Street for a sheesha session. And of course trying to get hazreen to smoke sheesha right. We were there by 9.45pm, everyone ordered mineral water, but me, being the special one, still wanted to satisfy a sweet craving, so i ordered a banana split. Time flew by even with just talking. and it was already 11.15 when i looked at my watch. At 11.30 we left for home. The smoke from the sheesha got to my head, but thankfully, the moment i started the engine, i was back to my alert self.

From Arab Street to Pasir Ris, and back to Harbour Front, then off to Woodlands before zooming back to Bukit Panjang - that was my favourite drive. Oh yes, and the tracks that kept playing from the radio (91.3 FM) were sensational for the night drive.

Returned the car today, and also went for my riding evaluation in the circuit. Weekend's been tiring, so i'm gonna hit the sack soon. Here ends this long post after a rather long hiatus - well that's because there was nothing much to talk about work.

"tango - jet"

Bravo

2009-09-18T19:44:00.004+08:00

Alrighty, it has been an awesome week so far, except for the one downer yesterday
Had to 'semula' a riding lesson - which i eased through this morning.

Anyway, as i already mentioned - this week has been pretty uplifting, basically cause i get to drive around a lot this week. Really, it's a nice feeling i cherish, then again, other road users gotta be courteous. The sucky part of course, was renting a car for the very first time, the agent, was understandably harsh towards me, seeing to how i was still a young and inexperienced driver.

Of course, this company didnt reject a paying customer, so my parents and i were made clear of the consequences should i be the one responsible for an accident.

So i finally drove off with a manual transmission Fiat Bravo. I clambered with the controls at first, seeing as how it was a continental car. Eventually, smoothed out throughout the rest of the day. Drove to CDA, to attend the CD day parade itself. I figured that it would be more convienient to drive there than to take public transport. Indeed it was. The parade itself was a smooth one, no cock ups this time. Sent a few friends off before hitting home.

Second day with the Bravo, i drove down from home to HQ SCDF to run an errand - one of my favourite journeys while renting the car, cause i was on the expressway alone most of the time. After that headed to another SCDF installation at alexandra, to pick up Khalid, once done, headed the car rental shop to register him as the second driver of the car. With that done, rushed down to BBDC for my riding lesson.

Once lesson was wrapped up, we headed off to orchard with an additional passenger, hazreen, to look for a professional massage parlour. Yes, professional - not those you see on porno sites. Eventually we ended up at arab street, for a javanese massage. The place was welcoming - in a firm manner. And i didnt feel skeptical when i entered it.

Invigorating was the word of the day after the massage, we went down to East Coast to have our buka puasa. 20 sticks of satay shared between the 3 of us, and an additional plate of food for the individual. Didnt felt full though, so we went for prayers first, then headed down to plaza singapura, for a night snack at starbucks.

When the time came, i sent the two of them off, before heading home.
Drove to work, got khalid to come down and return the car, then life resumed to normalcy.

As i blog this down, the whole muslim community in Singapore would have now received confirmation that Syawal is here. And rejoice! For those who have adhered the code of Ramadhan.

Of course, this year's Hari Raya is a little different for me and her. First of all, we're seperated by miles of sea. The second, is that she's spending raya shifting to a new place, when i, on the other hand, will miss out the festivities in early part of the day of raya, and will be driving instead of taking taxis this year.

"missing you"

3

2009-09-06T15:17:00.000+08:00

I'm telling you, facebook and blogger should hire more efficient technicians. Their sites have been bugged.
PLEASE DO SOMETHING GUYS! - or is it just my browser?
Anyway, either God was generous or I was lucky. But I have a strong gut feeling that He had everything to do with it.

4/09/09
0700
I waited eagerly for my instructor at the petrol kiosk. The jitters were already building up, and i knew well enough that they'll go away once practice started. He rolled in at 0708, and moved off soon after to the neighbouring unit. Had an hour's worth of practice in the circuit, e-brake, slope, crank course, s course, directional change, reverse parking and parallel parking. Did them confidently, without committing any major mistakes.

Moved onto the road at 0800, and traffic wasnt any forgiving. Not that i wasnt used to it,i had a couple of heavy traffic practice sessions. In fact, i wanted to practice in heavy traffic, the worse the condition you practice in, the better you'll become right? Thankfully, no problems on the road either, my instructor did a couple of test routes, which included narrow and wide divider u turns, i guess the toughest was the stop line on a slope, the incline was steeper than the one in the circuit, but hey, my instructor trained me on a steeper incline before.

0850 - was in the driving center, and last words from the instructor.

"any last questions brudder?"
"nope" - i returned.
"okay, once the test starts, get in the car, switch on the engine, on the aircon either to level one or two, any higher, you wont be able to hear the engine, test finish, engine off, free gear, handbrake apply, good luck".

okay, what a way for last words - but he always had a point. Even in the seemingly irrelevant statements like 'turn on the aircon'.

0910 - the tester called out my name. Held in his hand was a tablet pc,
"check your name, and IC number"
"they're correct sir" - i told him.
"let's go"
i trailed him, to my instructor's car - without my instructor around of course.
the 50-ish old tester started talking to me when i got in the car,

"okay, i'll guide you as whether to turn left or right, or to proceed, most importantly, dont be in a hurry, and be relaxed. and i will grade you accordingly, again, im not here to kill you, im here to grade you and remember to be as relaxed as possible"

Being relaxed was tough enough, but i could tell that he was there to just do his job. Fail or not, was dependent on me.
As my left foot depressed the clutch, i could feel it trembling. I cant remember the sequence of the circuit components in which i did, because i was down right nervous. But i felt good in the circuit. Parking wasnt a problem, and i didnt roll back one bit on the slope. Then on to the roads, which was relatively easy, except for a few right turns at the junctions which had me almost stalling.

"okay, back to driving school"
'that was fast' - i thought to myself.

0940 i was in the briefing room, my tester came out, with 2 pieces of paper in his hand - which i instinctively knew was my results. He sat in, opposite me, with a table, separating us.

"how many times?" - he questioned. For a while, i didnt know what was expected of my answer.
"first."

"your driving was good" - i was elated
"but you committed lots of minor mistakes, and these mistakes added up"

shit.

"on a 70 road, what was ur speed?"
i just nodded in defeat.

"you need to check your mirrors more often, every 5-10 seconds okay?"
again, i just nodded away.

"go downstairs for the video show after this"
"thank you sir."

he handed me the report, but i didnt bother looking at it. I PASSED!
saw my instructor downstairs, and like all teachers, they wanted to know how their student did.

"amacam?"
"pass - 18 points"
"the important thing is you passed, you saved yourself from burning a bigger hole in your pocket"

i handed him my report - and we had a little chat before he left to see his next student. The conversation, was very similar to the very first conversation we had. About how students are overzealous, some unforgiving and over demanding. He didnt mention that i was a good student, but the fact that he opened up to me about his problems, told me that i wasnt really among those he mentioned.

So, the biggest appreciation goes to who else but the Highest, for granting me a competent instructor, supporting parents, the special loved one and friends that did their part in boosting my confidence.

Not really planning to hit the road soon. But dad is eager to see me drive.
Hopefully things turn out well then. And hopefully i wont look so funny on my driving license.

"zoom"

Ramadhan '09

2009-09-03T21:27:00.000+08:00

Feeling the heat again, even though its the Sacred Month, even though i'm no longer in the face of flames while training, even though it's been raining everyday.

When i get a fever, it's really hard on me - my neck becomes stiff, the back aches, my eyes become bloodshot.
But praise be to God, i was able to fast without much difficulty. Still having a head ache though.

Other than 'feeling the heat', somehow, i still havent felt in touch with Ramadhan. Likes most muslims, Ramadhan is the time to rack 'em up points with the Almighty. When i was slightly younger, Ramadhan was really magical. I just had that strong strong feeling of being close to Him, but at least im having dinner with my family at the same timing - a tradition that i've carried out since a kiddo - except last year of course, where the grip of NS was really tight.

Speaking of which, i still feel like i have a tightened noose around my neck - with power comes responsibility.
Screw that up, then might as well be a normal civilian; wait a minute, isnt that what all NSFs want? to get back his freedom of CV life? I guess im a confused NSF then.

Darl's back in australia and without a doubt im sure any boyfriend in the same situation as me would understand.
Well, that's about it for now, imma hit the sack. Till the next time

"one time"

Awaiting

2009-08-14T14:34:00.000+08:00

Hooray! Girlfriend's coming home in a few hours. I just cant wait to spend as much time as i can with her.
So next week, its just gonna be me and her, with the world shut out.

Anyway, i spent the last week with a reservist platoon - so called mentor. But i didnt see a point in being a mentor since these guys are already old birds in the force. Nonetheless, it was interesting listening to them talk. It seemed every sentence they made was a joke. Especially on national day, where i was on standby with them. But honestly speaking, standbys are rather mentally taxing - especially from 1200-1700, where the sweltering heat had everyone like worms finding a nice cool spot to survive.

So while being attached to the reservist platoon, i had to go back to CDA for a couple of days as their training was held there. While in CDA, there were excellent opportunities to catch up with friends, and meet new colleagues. And as the sun set in the distance, i looked around the training ground. I felt a tear drop from inside. The place i called home for a long 8 months, the strangers who became brothers in the face of endless punishment, and the carefree life i lead as a puny trainee, and when nuzy was still in singapore. I miss those times, but yet i know, and have been telling myself that i can never live that life again, because as many have told me before "nazry, the only constant is change, you cannot always live the life you lead once, you have to move on".

though hurtful, those words are true on through.

"curbside prophet"

Post-Cadet

2009-07-21T19:42:00.002+08:00

all in an off day's work.

woke up before 6 for the third time in a row this week, feeling kinda miserable because of that actually.
It's been a while since i woke up for 3 days straight - the last time i did that was when i was attending my hazmat upgrading workshop.

so why would a person like me, who loves sleeping in, have to wake up on his second day off?
IPPT, what else. and here's the formula for the 2.4km timing once a BOC cadet has passed out till his next IPPT date.

with the help of some Simple Algebra.
let X = time taken by a BOC cadet to complete the 2.4km run in his prime.
and the formula is Y = X + C
where 1 min< C <2 min

time has surely passed, after completing IPPT and attaining a tarnished Gold, repeat, heavily tarnished, I spent a little while hanging with BOC mates around the Academy. While talking over some snacks, i watched the 42 BOC working hard at their rehearsal. In that instance, it felt like BOC was over in a blink, and that i've served about a year and a half of NS without realising that my ORD date draws closer than ever.

I watched on as 43 BOC did their slow march, trailing their seniors, no longer in bunker gear, but in smart 4, a white scarf and gloves and the french headdress. I thought to myself, once they become the ones passing out, two years will be over.

and in those thoughts,like how mental photos of moments in NS appeared like a montage, an image of her chaperoned them all.
you should know who i'm talking about. and if you're reading this, i thank you for all the support that you've given me through the past year and a half of service to dear Singapore.

sidestep - i'm not sure whether i've mentioned this before, but I dont really like it when there's a call when i'm sleeping. The heart drops, and you have to quickly pull it back up to its proper location in the rib cage before the body can react accordingly by running to the vehicle.

but hey, i'd rather attend lots of calls then have to deal with lesser humans.
you know what i'm talking about.

"failing to balance"

Roll-Out

2009-07-17T18:43:00.003+08:00

The last time the whole station turned out with me was the recycled paper fire over at Pandan Road.

But yesterday's call had me thinking to myself "what a cool sight if it was on camera!"
All the vehicles from Clementi's engine bay rolled out to a fire over at a private residence.
Like an awesome convoy, the strobe lights from the bikes to the other engines, would most probably been have a sight if i was a passerby yesterday night. Thankfully en route, the caller informed that the fire had been extinguished.

Anyway, i know i owe this shout out for quite sometime.
But this is for you sweetheart.
It's been a year and a half and a dozen days since the question. Thankfully we're still going strong.
Even if we're seperated by miles of seas and oceans, you once said "but we'll still be under the same sky right..?"
I wont even begin on how much i miss you, i'll let my actions speak for me okay darling?
I guess what they say is true, "you'll begin to appreciate someone more when they're gone"

"disenchanted"

Billie Jean

2009-07-06T14:28:00.006+08:00

I know to some, Michael Jackson's death seems way overrated.
But for me, i am going to miss the guy that got me listening to pop music.
i grew up listening to him, from songs when he was in the Jackson 5 to music he put out as a solo artist.
You know how as a kid you had imaginary friends, or a teddy bear that could talk to you.
Watching MJ's music videos on television felt as though he was talking to me with catchy tunes like 'jam', 'thriller', 'billie jean' and 'they dont really care about us' , sorta like having a celebrity friend.
So now that MJ will no longer be around, that little kid in me who's his fan is starting to feel a little lost. And what timing too, as he was just about to celebrate his comeback concert.

And as for Michael's endless scandals, i dont believe they're true. I just think that they are a result of being such a sucessful artist.

So here's to a powerful, sucessful, and the unique artist with his signature dance moves and hiccups in almost every song. Goodbye Michael Jackson - King of Pop and (by far) the most famous artist in the world.

Another thing that i grew up with was transformers. And although i have never mentioned this to many, im an avid fan. Yeah, sure enough, i didnt buy the toys, i have none of the T-shirts and nor do i have their video tapes. But hey, at least i've seen Optimus in his many alternate modes.
From a Full trailer, a semi trailer, a fire engine, a big ass gorilla, a cybertronian tank and now a Peterbilt truck.

So i thought that the first Transformers movie was going to be a flop, having not seen its trailer, but boy was i wrong. And thankfully so. I had certain expectations when watching transformers 2, but megan fox was not on my list. After watching both movies, I say to hell with the critics. As some other fans have said - 'they just have deprived childhood'. I say, the movie was meant to have a minimal storyline. A few parts may have been illogical, and sexual connotations could have been cut out for the second movie. But all in all, the reincarnation of transformers on the big screen has been kick ass and given fans like me, what they want to see in the Transformers - awesome graphics, fight scenes and special effects.

And as a tribute to the autobots, here is Prime, in his many forms.

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings"

Unsettled

2009-06-12T08:24:00.003+08:00

Sweeping away the dust off this online diary. here i am again.

I guess it's been a while since i last blogged cause, firstly, last week drained my soul out.
Attending to my first overnight fire was no mean feat. Although that fire was brought under control about 30 minutes, overseeing that it had no chance of relighting at all took a total of another 15 solid hours.

Here are some of the pictures that i got off the online straits times.
if you're wondering what caught fire, the guys were aiming at a huge, neatly stacked pile of recycled cardboard. You know, like how old, unused cars are made into scrap metal.
Yeap, so this one makes another addition to the list of big fires that i have attended to.

Moving on, other than the usual admin work and screen of emails that i look through every time i'm there, there's nothing else worth highlighting about work, or more aptly put, nothing else worth highlighting about NS. Sometimes, it's just easy to forget that im still serving my country.

Other than NS, i havent really had the chance to go out and just relax with friends. Usually i'd spend time with dearest, but seeing as we're seperated by miles of skies and seas. I've been spending more time at home like a couch potato, eating, online and sleeping more than anything else.

Yes, i miss you nuzurath.

Sighs, forget it, i'm going to end this entry here. Feeling too depressed to write any further.

"empty palms"

10 Reasons

2009-05-25T19:12:00.002+08:00

Top 10 reasons
10. They find it hot and leave it wet

9. They're good and trained in mouth to mouth

8. Anyone that can carry their hose over their shoulder has somthing going for them.

7. They always maintain their ummmm....apparatus

6. They never give up

5. They wear a uniform so there is no need to wear costumes in bed

4. They will find you no matter what position you are in

3. They can quickly and efficently solve any problem

2. They go in hard

1. They have the longest hoses

ADD-ONS

11.-They know when to pull out

12-They know when to wrap the "hydrant" when needed in fast pace situations

13.-"Not many can say that they are datin a hero"

14. -The hotter it is, the faster we come

15. - Dial 995 and make a firefighter come!

"tongue in cheek"

Facing Reality

2009-05-19T22:53:00.002+08:00

I remembered black skies
The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash
As time began to blur
Like a startling sign
That fate had finally found me

There was nothing inside
The memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide
The ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in
Between where we were standing

And every loss and every lie
And every truth that you deny
And each regret and each goodbye
Was a mistake too great to hide

And your voice was all I heard
But I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it fill up to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide

"i want to know"

Light Headed

2009-05-18T20:59:00.003+08:00

I am feeling a little light headed and giddy since this morning,
maybe its because i had a tad too much sleep yesterday and today.
And i feel like i should lie down right about now, even though i've spent hours sleeping.

Just got off the phone with sweetheart, she must be exhausted from the first day of school and settling in at her new temporary address.
Hearing her voice provided some relief, however, i started thinking about the worst possible scenarios that could damage our relationship.
I know too well that dwelling too much on the negativities, wont make things any different.
But at least it prepares, if not the both of us, at least me, mentally.

I just want this to work,
I hope it's not too much to ask for.

"open the doors"

Devastation

2009-05-07T18:52:00.002+08:00

Please, oh Almighty.
Please, hold it on the tests for now.
I need to rest,
To gain strength to face them again.

Nuzurath, this is going out to you.

Devastated as i was, when you broke the news to me that you accepted the offer from the University of Queensland, i knew very well that i couldnt stop you.
It was so evident that it was what you wanted after going through incessant phases of tears, heartaches and total disappointment.
And i hadnt seen you so relieved ever since your A level results came to light.

So, as you very well know, i did my best to swallow the large chunk of news down my reluctant throat.
Boy, was it painful.
I know there were times where i made you feel guilty for making that decision, but i hope you know that it was damn selfish of me.
I want your future to be bright, and since i cant promise you that future, i cant tell you to stay in Singapore, i simply have no right to.

Our relationship has been by far, the best relationship that i have ever had in my life. I can safely say that. I've never felt happier in my life, and never more contented. All our meetups, our outings, may have been a lil routine at times, but somehow, i have never felt bored being around you.
Somehow, the fact that when i see your smile, it still gets me weak in the knees, just like how i felt when i first met you.
And one thing that i get from you, that i have not with others, is equality and balance of a proper connection.

Before, i told myself that we may not make it should you go overseas.
Friends of ours question the outcome our relationship.
But a voice inside me wanted to challenge the perceived outcome.
It's not a matter of proving them wrong,
It's a matter of proving that i was right when i said to myself,
"I believe, she may be the one for me"

"if today was my last"

Death

2009-05-02T21:01:00.002+08:00

how do i want to die?

with pride, and honour.

for i wish that my death was a fruitful sacrifice for another.

and allow the state flag to drape over my bier, before i face His fury,

or if He wills, His mercy.

because I only want to return, so that someone else can stay.

"to stand before"

A day, Away.

2009-04-19T17:58:00.006+08:00

so it's been a challenging week for me.
However, most of the pain was dissolved in the waters of Kota Tinggi, as my rota and i took a day trip to malaysia to have a little bonding time with newbies (inclusive of myself) and also to escape from reality for a day.

the night before, we invited the previous commander of rota one, to have dinner with us, as a celebration of his progress. That's him in red, and the banner in lieu of the following day's activity. The photo looks like it's been taken out of a 1992 album, doesnt it?

Upon completing our 24 hr duty, everyone assembled outside the gates of the station, and moved out at 9.30am. Of course, just before moving off, group photos with the banner and the station name behind us, was a must.
The first stop in Malaysian soil was a hawker center as pictured. The heat was just unbearable at 12.15pm, and i was really sweating as I ate.

We were then on to find a chendol stall, as it was considered one of the must try on the way to kota tinggi. The stalls were more of street peddlers, and the way they served it was really like the 1980's
And as you can see, some of us had more than one bowl. Which isnt too good for your own health.
Arrival at the falls, and the heat was still ruthless. Getting ready for the camera was abit of a torture here.
And one more shot just before jumping in.
Again, with the banner.Which immediately fell off the poles after this shot was taken.
The trip ended off with a good hearty seafood meal at Senibong, by the shores of Malaysia, with the Senoko Power chimneys overlooking us.
well, it's back to reality i guess, but the seafood meal was really awesome.
I'm kinda looking forward to enjoying the food again.
But i dont know when that'll be.

"empty smiles"

Fear

2009-04-16T20:36:00.001+08:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Where Your life is Going You are a very determined and willful individual. You have strong set goals that you plan to reach no matter what. You may be an overachiever at times but that's because you want to be successful in your life. The greatest accomplishment for you is when you reach a high goal. However, you constantly worry if you're not good enough to do something, or if your life doesn't go according to plan. You worry a lot about your future, and if it will meet all your high criteria. Don't worry, with your determination, and hard work ethic, and organization chances are things will go according to plan.
Losing Someone
Being Alone
Disappointment
Commitment
Looked down on
Death
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

comments and opinions are welcome in the comments box!

"low fuel"

Pressure

2009-04-13T19:27:00.002+08:00

the next three days are gonna be tough.
so tough that 'tough' in BOC days cant compare.
both mentally, and physically.

for one, it's gonna be a hectic week with exercises here and there.
then, there's still admin matters to worry about.

and all this is adding up to the naggy list of things to do at the back of my head.

I'm just 19. Still a god damn teenager mind you.
And the government expects so much out of me.

But hey, at least i know i got 3 buddies who're probably facing the same thing i do.

A step at a time i tell myself,
as we know, what doesnt kill you, will make you stronger.
So now go ahead, try making my heart stop beating.

"can't give hell"

Renew

2009-04-04T20:50:00.003+08:00

whenever one is told to love a certain party (in a relationship that is falling apart)
who is always blind to all the little efforts that you make to repair the relationship,
one will find himself/herself asking the question

"how am i supposed to love someone, over and over, who constantly rejects me?"

before i even answer, let me just say; you cant love someone if you dont fully understand love.
love is unconditional, and not selfish.
love is kind, and not impatient.
so that means, if you find yourself in a position whereby you expect something in return for showing your 'love' and you get frustrated because of that, wouldnt that mean that the 'love' you are showing isnt truly love? isnt there a hint of selfishness and impatience within it?

If you do love someone, whether or not he, she or they deserves it, it must come from within you and not for your own gains. Bottom line, it's okay if you dont get anything in return.

Back to the question. And the answer? Isn't too far from you.
God.

He loves all of us, over and over. And yet some of us reject His divine love.
we dont appreciate Him, we forget Him, and we trample over His love by ignoring Him, again and again.
yet He gives us the chance to ask for His forgiveness, because His love for us continues.

if the Highest Himself goes to that level of showing each individual His unconditional love, then i dont see why we must think so highly of ourselves as to what grounds to love.

maybe there's a loved one in your life that's constantly rejecting you.
and all i want to say here is, there's no reason for you to stop loving that person, even if they're blind to your good deeds and your affection.
it's hard. but it's possible.

"while i'm waiting"

Broken Strings

2009-03-29T17:38:00.002+08:00

Literally, while trying to adjust the neck bend of my acoustic, they gave way.
so that leaves me with my electric, which i dont really touch since i dont want to waste electricity unnecessarily.

As for my ankle, my recovery rate is kinda slow, i suppose my body is repairing the deep injuries within it. it still hurts whenever i try to sprint. jogging seems okay at 7.3 km/h, which is NOT a commendable speed when it comes to IPPT.

So have i been attending to calls ever since i last blogged?
But of course! And i'm telling you, attending to calls during day time is one of the best things to happen while in station, well maybe for me, cause i cannot speak on behalf of my other friends in other stations.

One of which was a 3 room flat on fire at Dover Rd, last 2 duties, and the most recent duty includes another one at Jalan Papan, involving a 20 footer container while covering Jurong Fire Station's boundary as their fire engine was engaged in another huge fire at Joo Koon Crescent.

Oh yeah, did i ever mention that i dont really like being woken up to respond to a call while in a deep slumber?

But what is there for me to do?
As i have accepted that this is my form of service to the country.
Because when others turnout in less than 10 minutes,
I turn out in less than 1.

"blazing dream"

Off-Run

2009-03-16T21:36:00.003+08:00

attending to 4 calls in total yesterday,
with 3 of them which didnt come to a proper conclusion for us.
what i mean is that we were made to turn back for 3 calls.

not that big of a deal, but what's bugging me is my right foot.
i cant utilize it as per normal because i sprained it.
well, my ankle to be precise.
as of today, it is day 3 where i cannot walk properly,
forget get about running, jumping or even praying in the normal way.

how did i get myself into this?
simply while running to the fire engine and slipping on a pool of water.
but who is to blame, other than myself, as it was raining. hence, the wet floor.
so i'm out of action for a week, or until my foot is fully healed.
but all in good time. hey, at least i didnt dislocate my ankle.
and i am thankful for that.

"noble?"

Silent Nights

2009-03-11T11:21:00.002+08:00

It's been two duties since i last had a call.
Which is a good thing, that would mean lesser headaches.

Anyway, its been quite a while since i last wrote an entry here,
probably because there isnt anything for me to write,

Planning to sign up for my license soon.
I hope that goes well.
Speaking of license, i know someone who's well on her way to getting hers.
Haha, drive me around when you do kay?

I guess that's all i feel like typing down, of course, i got other things to write about, but i dont think i'll do it here. Or maybe, i'll just keep it between me and my love.

"embrace"

Fourty 1

2009-02-23T20:10:00.003+08:00

Shagged out i tell you.
Responding to 5 calls was rather tiring as it was.
but add additional training on the following morning knocked me out cold for a good 5 hours.

Anyway, let me be perfectly honest with myself.
I find it quite hard to fit in at where i am, inclusive of my stature.
Which is why i miss being an Officer Cadet Trainee back in CDA.
Life was really carefree as opposed to what im doing now.

sure, we had our threats from superiors.
had our moments of physical punishments.
but above all that, good friendships were forged, and not forgetting laughter everyday.
and to me, that was the most important in having survived the course.

good buddies, and enjoying the course because of the company.
but separation is an inevitable part,
because i surrender to the fact that i cannot remain a trainee forever,
all i mean is that working with at least one of them would make things less dull than it is right now.
because at the moment, i know i cant laugh as hard, smile as wide and shout across the room just for the fun of it.
not with the people, and not with my stature.

"a little good luck"

The Prayer

2009-02-19T20:51:00.003+08:00

After attending my first big fire, I gave thought to how fragile life was.

so this prayer, deemed fit.

When I am called to duty, God, whenever flames may rage;

Give me strength to save some life, whatever be its age.

Help me embrace a little child before it is too late

Or save an older person from the horror of that fate.

Enable me to be alert and hear the weakest shout,

And quickly and efficiently to put the fire out.

I want to fill my calling and to give the best in me,

To guard my every neighbor and protect his property.

And if, according to my fate, I am to lose my life;

Please bless with your protecting hand
my children and my wife.

"saviour"

Valentine '09

2009-02-14T13:47:00.002+08:00

I dont know what it is with me not being out on a proper date with a girl on valentine's. But it's generally the case here. I guess it's just too bad that i have never gone out with a girl on the 14th of Feb. But hey, that doesnt mean i hate it, at the very least i have someone special :)

Anyway, yesterday marked the final day as a trainee in CDA (yes, even as a lieutenant) since i stepped beyond the academy's gates. So, I've completed my Hazmat Upgrading Course, taken my Hazmat Specialist Certification Test, and 'ready' for station life. In a way, im still unsure whether im really ready for real 995 calls, not to mention lead my men. Sure, i responded to 5 real calls during my station attachment over at Bukit Batok, but i still feel like i'm not ready.

NS aside. I was on my way home from parkway yesterday, after sending dearest home. And i noticed that the bus stop was more crowded than usual. And so, when i boarded the bus, it came close to a fist fight to be the first few up on the bus to get seats. I got one for myself somehow. You know how much i hate crowds, but that wasnt why i got ticked off.

Add in inconsiderate passengers who refuse to move in, a bus driver who speaks his thoughts out loud to let everyone on the bus know what he thinks about being inconsiderate, a passenger who complains to that bus driver about waiting half an hour (so accurate!) for the bus, and another one who screams profanities so fluently yet speaks with distorted english to tell the inconsiderate people at the back to move in, and you get an exciting Singaporean drama.

Now i know that typical Singaporeans are never happy with other typical Singaporeans, the vulgar one unhappy with the inconsiderate one, and the inconsiderate one thinking "who the heck are you to shout at me?". I admit i do feel the way they're feeling, however, i always keep my cool, and swallow my ego. To be considerate as a person.(otherwise i would have taken a crack at the guy who requires english classes).

My point is, the attitude of these people maybe despicable (inclusive of stompers who just love pointing cameras at others, but hate it when a camera is being pointed at them). But that is as far as it goes. Because, other than their iPhones, hurtful words and an a character not worth being proud of, they have no other weapons that can cause further pain.

What do i mean? What i mean is that in singapore, you dont have to worry about walking down a dark alley and some guy who will take out his automatic pistol and point it at you. You dont need to worry if there'd be a maniac in your brother's or sister's school who'd take him/her hostage.

You see, all Singaporeans have is their piece of their mind, and never the time to take it out on you (unless you're talking about the anak terbuang who have nothing better to do). Therefore, I am nonetheless happy to be among this group of inconsiderate and kiasu people, than to be walking in a place where my loved ones or i myself will be the unlucky ones to get a bullet in the head, or get blown to bits by a middle east tourist.

Then again, this a piece of my mind, and all im doing is just penning it down on my online diary.
I dont mean to influence, neither am i looking to debate.

Let me end it off on a less depressing note.
Happy Valentine's Day to all of you reading this!
Especially you Ms Nuzurath. :)

"never meant to brag"

HazMat Headache

2009-02-03T20:30:00.005+08:00

it feels like going back to school again.
just that,
my uniform is fully blue, with two star-bursts on each shoulder and a velcro name tag,
my footwear are slip on steel toe boots.
theory lessons consists of chemistry and bio,
practicals involve wearing teletubby suits and breathing through tanks on our backs.
and that i dont have tutorials and assignments to do, for this week at least.

of course, i'm no longer in the company of all my mates from 41st BOC, (which im already starting to miss) as we're already split into our different postings. most of us remain within the boundaries of the Civil Defence Academy complex, a few odd ones sent to the various Headquarters. The rest, inclusive of me, are headed to the various fire stations littered around the country.

which brings me to the reason why im attending "school". I'm currently undergoing a HazMat upgrading workshop in CDA, for 2 weeks, with those who are posted to the fire stations. Personally, i feel a lil lost here and there during lessons. And practical lessons are slightly more intense then what i've gone through during the basic days.

I'll guess i'll go do the necessary preparations for tomorrow or maybe do a lil bit of guitaring before dearest comes home from her pilates class. Talking to her after a long day somehow takes me to a different world. :)

here's dedicated to you sweetheart, because i want things straightened out if they go wrong.
tongue tied by faber drive

"intertwining"

The Perfect March

2009-01-27T17:19:00.015+08:00

Maybe I'm still in the mood, maybe, this post was long due.
But hey, my internet just got back up, and the fact that i was sorting out the pictures delayed this post.

So lets begin.
22nd January 2009

Began the final day as an officer cadet with a full-sequence morning parade rehearsals in our no.4 till 1000. At that time, we left the parade square, to head up to the auditorium for our wet weather rehearsals, you know, just in case Almighty wanted to display His own set of light(n)ings.

Stepped out of the auditorium to head down for lunch, then made a beeline to the ceremonial room where our Regimental Sergeant Major was awaiting us. so from 1300 to 1400, we did our oath taking rehearsal. yeah, not the army oath, but the oath taken by officers of the Civil Defence Force.

1400-1600, last minute preparations for the actual oath taking and parade. i swear, you should have seen the condition the dorm was left in. i wont bother with euphemisms here, because 'a hurricane went into the room' just wont cut it.

Anyway, 1600 sharp at the ceremonial room, waiting for the Colonel to initiate the event.
Upon his arrival, the ceremony proceeded.
The event consisted of 3 things:

The Signing
The Receiving of the Officer's Creed Boxand the oath taking itself, which i dont have a picture of.

Commissioning of the 41st Basic Officer Course
1700 we left the room, changed back to our sweaty no.4 then headed down again to the parade square, for one more full round of rehearsal before the real deal. by 1730, halfway through the rehearsals, a set of loved ones already arrived, 2 minutes later, another set arrived. superiors were clearly seen speeding up the process of the rehearsal. to send the stars of the show (namely us) back to the holding area, so as not to spoil the show.

Lieutenants-to-be turned into 9 year old boys as they see their families, friends and sweethearts make their way to the square's Grandstand, inclusive of myself. And within a split second, they turn into their red-blooded male self as they see attractive girls walk past from our vantage point, i wont include myself on this one because i was just looking out for my sweetheart.

1830, the stage was set, the skies supportive.
1843, the first bugle for the actual parade was blown, supporting contingents marched on in.
1850, the command, "forty-one BOC, Masuk Baris!" was echoed.

There we go, marching in proudly.
The Heart beats strong, nervous, but proud.
Standing there, while we wait for the arrival of the Commissioner and the Guest-of-Honour took a lil longer than last year, but nonetheless, he came, and kicked off the event.

First, the inspection
Then the march past, in slow time, aka, the slow march

Did i forget to mention about our dressing being spot on?And we then shift from slow, to fast march, signifying our change in step in our careers as an SCDF officer.

the video of the march past can be viewed, HERE

With the march past done, it was time for the axe presentation.
Each individual cadet received a silver axe.

Good Evening Sir,
Receiving of the Silver AxeThank You, SirPlacing the Axe on the table at a different location, to continue with the paradeSo with the axe presentation complete, and the recitation of the Civil Defence Pledge, permission was granted by the Guest-of-Honour to dismiss the parade.

Marching off, in slow time, to the tune of Auld Lang Syne And then we end it off with the pinning of the new ranks,
Then, shortly after that, The Highlight of the Commissioning Parade;
the Cap Toss

The Cap Toss Video - courtesy of sweetheart

And with that, the men of the 41st Basic Officer Course, changed their ranks from cadets to fully fledged officers.
In a way, i'm starting to miss them already.

Loved ones that came to support. Best buddy, and sweetheartCandid shot of dear and i courtesy of dad :)
From SAJC, to SCDF. Left to right, LTA Nazry, SGT Khalid, LTA Taufiq JumalMy Beloved Section-4-matesAnd one with the fun and awesome Bruneians. Dont you guys ever forget the 41st.My Progression, ever since being posted to Civil Defence
Moving on to post parade.
24th January 2009
Celebrated sweetheart's birthday one day in advance, because she had plans with her family on the day itself.
Anyway, i told her that i was gonna make it late as part of the surprise, one of her best friends, told her that she couldnt come because of her parents. I dont know the reaction her friend got when she showed up in front of dearest.

As for me? I surprised her from the back, and the reply i got? : "you're such a liar". I knew she didnt mean it in a negative way because of the wide and thankful smile on her face as we embraced.

Her string of surprises didnt end there. The girls took a shot at the GMax at Clarke Quay, Birthday girl took a ride on the extreme swing, while the rest either sat both, or took the reverse bungee. I sat this one out because i went on the damned things twice. each.

After that it was a taxi ride down to boat quay, why? we wanted to locate 68 boat quay, but we didnt know how to get there, explaining the need for a cab, when we could have walked.

68 boat quay turned out to be a cafe with a board game theme to it. So we got ourselves food, and played board games never played before. I swear it was damn interesting. Especially the game of Jungle Speed. The final surprise came after a couple of games, with a birthday brownie prepared by one of the girls, and the usual attention seeking singing of 'happy birthday' in a crowded place.

Playing taboo, apparently, she didnt take me seriously. I wanted points!
The Birthday Brownie, and i got the honour of feeding the first piece to the Birthday GirlA couple shot for the day! :)Best Friends, since cedar girls secondary, with the exception of me of course, the later addition to her life.Happy birthday sayang.
Dont you mature too quickly alright?
Cherish and embrace your last year as a teen,
"starburst"

Inferno

2009-01-10T19:53:00.004+08:00

that's it.

all that's left is a tactical paper, IPPT and an SOC test as the hardest parts of the remaining part of the course.
no more firefighting, hazmat incidents, car accidents, or suicides.
if i dont go to a fire station at least.
which im still having mixed feelings over.
just as long as im not posted to SRB, i should be happy enough.

however, this week has been extremely taxing on us, or on me at least.
with the last exercise pushing me to performance levels i never thought i would reach.
maybe its the knowledge of the last of the final exercises, maybe its the fact that im used to the fire gear, which i think im gonna miss.

again, mixed feelings about it.
happy that the term has come to an end, sad that i'll not wear it again for intense fire fighting with friends whom i build a good rapport with.

and here are take away photos from Exercise Carina on thursday,
where we were complimented generously by the exercise controller, surprisingly.

Carina
a solid group photo in our Chemical Defence Suits

Dearest is overseas again, but she's coming back tomorrow.
I miss her, and i cant wait for the time we can meet and just enjoy one to one company.

i'm screaming : i love you so

"i think i know"

Hot Blaze

2008-12-28T17:56:00.005+08:00

The week wrapped up with a super high for me.
I mean, come on, booked in on a thursday night,
then booked out the next day.

isnt that great or what?

yeah well, i think only my NS friends can relate.
The week turned out to be, for me, by far the best in CDA.
Why?

Because my course brought home some gold.
And i was part of the group responsible for that glorious outcome.
In fact, everyone in my course was.

Remember back in september, where i was talking about the competition that got postponed?
It was the 11th Firemanship Skills Competition.
The day where trainees prove their worth, and back up their right to brag.
Cadets from all courses, the firefighters, the specialist cadets, and the officer cadets competed against each other in a series of 6 events.
All of which, fully involve the proficiency in operating firefighting and rescue equiptment.

The scoring system for the competition is simple.
a full 4 points for the team that finishes first in each event,
3 points for 2nd,
2 points for 3rd,
1 point for the last team.

For myself, i felt tension in the BOC holding area.
Everyone was unsure whether we would win.
It was 13 weeks since we last got the chance to train, because we were preoccupied with field exercises in the recent weeks.
What added to the pressure was the tradition of BOC winning the competition (while they were in their junior term without the fire badge mind you).
so most definitely the most senior trainees (with the fire badge) should win right?

that was what we were unsure of
people were speculating and doubted our ability, especially the rival teams.
how can such a playful bunch, who have not trained in 13 weeks, win the competition?

we answer :
skill

My course took an impressive lead after the first two events.
By the time the following picture was taken, marking the end of the 3rd event,
BOC were with 12 points, while the chasing teams were tied at 5 points, short for one team, who was on the other end of the scoreboard with 2 points.

another 4 points in the bag baby!
Confidence surged back into me, as i prepared for the 4th event(as you can see below), knowing that it wasnt a miracle that we won the first 3 events. It was because we knew our stuff.

was it you who doubted us?knowing that we were 6 points clear, all we needed was another 5 points to bag the silverware.
and pressure was on my section of 4 to relieve the pressure off the course.

my event, required sucking water from an inflatable pool, pumping it to the red rhino parked up ahead, and using that water to knock down a target board via a hose and nozzle from the rhino.
dont imagine, just click on the photo below to get a bigger picture of what was happening.

that's me manning the machine that sucks the water.
euphoria filled up my veins when i saw the board infront kiss the cement.

the yellow celebrate, while the black troubleshoot.
in your face fools.

knowing that we had 16 points after the 4th event, while the rest were trailing with 8 points. the pressure was definitely off, as we only needed to come in LAST for ONE event, and we'd still win.
the good news? there 2 events remaining.

we walked the talk, did you?
it doesnt take a human to find out who won.
even a monkey could do the math.
the silverware, where it rightfully belongs, with BOC.

no, not 41 points, but BOC 41st
and that's us with the 42nd BOC, the pressure is on them now, to take home what naturally belongs to the BOC, the Firemanship Skills Competition Title.

Just for the memories

while that was it in CDA, my weekend wrapped up with a class reunion.
catching up, eating our hearts out.
the guys talking about NS, as usual.
the girls talking about Uni courses.

NS personnel baby

short for ms katie kang, who has turned into a SIA stewardess.
looks like we're not gonna get hold of her so easily anymore.

dont bother comparing katie, i didnt even flex :P
yeah okay, you make up in height My favourite girls in the classsome things dont change,
some things do.
it was fun while JC lasted.
and im glad the friendships remain strong and lovely long after class has ended.

as for my lovely one,
you know i cannot wait for your return within the next 18 hours.

the week cant be anymore sweeter :)

"you wonder why"

Red Whale

2008-12-25T17:45:00.004+08:00

Im having fun editing pics.
Well, that's what you do when you're spending a lonely day at home on Christmas.
which is why i cant wait for your return.
No doubt, we will face a whole new set of challenges now that the cat's out of the bag.
Having faith now will help a lot,
if not, try, we must.

Great, i'm having a writer's block.
I really wanna write, but i dont know what.

I miss you.
I really do.

Sigh.

"achilles heel"

Firestorm

2008-12-21T09:22:00.004+08:00

The second weekend without her in Singapore.
I suppose im no longer the over dependant guy i used to be.
I mean, i have to learn someday.
I just await her safe arrival back here by next monday.
InsyaAllah.

The week has been quite rather good.
Especially as the duty cadet for the week.
Fire fighting and rescue exercises as usual in CDA.

The week in CDA concluded with this oil tank fire exercise on thursday afternoon.
The sun was glorious for the girlfriends of my fellow cadets,
"it's the perfect weather for sun tanning!" - was one of their messages.

Sure.

Booked out on thursday evening, wrapping up my IC week.
Reported at Bukit Batok Fire Station on friday morning as an attaché, along with 2 others.
The rota was nice to us, and i personally had fun during the 24 hour stint.

a fire station is not as quiet as you think it is, especially in the morning.
it's hard to explain, just take a peek inside on a weekday morning, and you'll see why.
anyway, a typical shift starts at 8am, and ends at 8am the next morning
the 3 of us were lucky enough to attend to 5 calls.
4 the whole afternoon, and one the following morning.
wont reveal details here though.

the adrenaline rush when you hear the signal.
indescribable.

ended my attachment stint at 8am on saturday, and slept all the way till 9pm.
as for today?
just letting my body recover to face the next week.

"a moving violation"

Mole

2008-12-14T03:33:00.003+08:00

it's been a short, yet tiring week.
with 2 exercises stretching long into the night.
as a result, i got drained out.
but perhaps it's the result of accumulated weeks of training.

well, it's 3.40am here in Singapore,
probably 6 am in Australia; where she is right now.
Picked up her call yesterday,
and such a pleasant surprise it was.

For now, i hope you have your fun holidaying alright?
While i tackle the impossible in camp, and wait for your arrival come 29.

Went out with the BOC guys yesterday, and caught twilight.
It is a good movie i must say, understanding the constraints of putting a book onto a screen.
a refreshing one too, having seen that there were no really raunchy scenes.
a solid 4/5 would be my 2 cents.
other than the movie, it was some retail therapy for some of us.
the total amount of stuff that we spent at espirit totalled up to $520.
divided by the 10 of us, well, perhaps not all 10 as some of us didnt buy anything.

well, that's it for noting down what happened this week.
hmm, i see that this blog of mine is indeed becoming a personal diary,
no longer the blog of a mature 19 year old.
no flow,
no links,
and all fragmented pieces of stories.

just like my thoughts.

"fear and flaws"

Reminisaint

2008-12-08T16:28:00.006+08:00

I miss being a saint.

that's what i felt after watching this video,
credits to khaireen.
awesome photo montage.

that's it, im calling a class reunion soon.

well, speaking of reunions, i have to say goodbye again.
Honey has to leave soon for Australia,
timing's perfect i guess, especially with field exercises coming up.
but nonetheless, im still gonna miss her.

she recently had her prom, which i personally think is an uneventful occasion, especially since i had been attending to them as a waiter at swissotel.

during prom, girls can look their best or their worst.
some may look like a giftwrapped christmas tree,
some may look oh-so-slutty.

as for Ms Nuzy,

i think elegance pretty much sums it up.

:)

the irony here, is that her school's prom was at the very place i worked at a year back.

oh, if only i was still a waiter.....

"lucky"

Home is a hotel

2008-11-30T14:38:00.014+08:00

Awesomeness, if there is such a word.
This is my first full weekend in a while.
Spent this week in camp as usual, recovering from the effects of brunei.
thankfully, it's been a week of lecture, and just one SOC test.
Spent the friday resting at home,
was out on saturday with dinie, to just chill out and catch up, since its been a while since we did that.
as for today, just plain guitaring, tv, and the computer, the simple pleasures to say the least.
home is starting to look like a hotel, but i only have to do this for another 8 weeks.
insyaAllah, things will go smoothly.

I'm now gonna talk about what happened in Brunei as promised in the earlier post.
Which is gonna be accompanied with a lot of pictures and reads in between. gonna divert from the usual text then pictures, which i feel removes the holistic point of the pictures

Outward Bound Brunei Darussalam (OBBD) was a 9 day course which is part of our Civil Defence training. so the narration will be in chronological order, with the accompanying pictures.

Day 1 : Was at the airport at 0850 on the 18th November, checked in.

The Departure Flight : BI422 Destination : Brunei

Bestie came down to send me off at around 9. She gave me a brownie from coffee bean & tea leaf for me to eat on the flight. I finished it before i even checked in.

Her editing skills captures the best out of the pictureGoodbye Singapore
Panoramic View of Terminal 2 from the transit areaRoyal Brunei Airlines
Take Off
My second flight in my life, i bet you didnt know that. So because of that, i was a sucker for the wings and clouds. I was pratically staring out the window for a good 30 minutes, even though i didnt have the window seat.

Above the clouds

Arrived in Brunei Darussalam at 1300.
Waited for our transportation to the jetty where lunch was waiting.
A boat, or more known locally as a water taxi, picked us up from the country's Capital and sent us to a remote and more rural part of the country; Temburong.
The journey was an hour and a half on a high speed boat, so that's farther than boon lay to pasir ris.

Brunei International Airport
Drifting in the water taxi
Upon arriving at Temburong, buses and a truck bearing the OBBD logo were awaiting us, the truck took our luggage, while the buses took our asses to the OBBD center.

A 20 minute ride and we were already at the center, greeted by the sight of the Temburong river, or more known as Sungei Temburong.

Settled in the dorms, and completed administrative stuff for the rest of the day.
Oh yes, i forgot to mention that 6pm in brunei, is like 8pm in Singapore.
Which makes that 6am in Brunei, is as bright as 8am here.

Base Camp
In order to get to the dorms, we had to cross the river, simply because the dorms were on the other side of the bank. So how do we cross? Take a life jacket, and walk across this 100m wooden suspension bridge.

Wearing the life jacket questioned the bridge's intergrity.
Sungei Temburong as taken from the bridge.
Day 2 : Same thing, just that we went for a 4km run in the morning as 5bx, bringing some singaporean feel to bruneian soil. learned more jungle skills and equiptment, then ran again, by the ridges before concluding the day. In the evening, we learned navigation, and more last minute introduction to jungle equipment.

Day 3 / Jungle Day 1 : The usual morning run, 6km this time. then Jungle trekking began. packed according to a rumoured 4D3N in the primary forest of the muslim country. As you know, Outward Bound has this policy of telling their participants to "expect the unexpected". So, the instructors didnt tell us how long we would be out there.

Our destination was the foot of the 1495m mountain, known as Bukit Lutut (Ankle Hill).
I reinforce the point that anything more that 700m is considered a mountain.
Bt Timah is a hill and Mount Faber is a hill, NOT Bt Lutut. The walk to the mountain-foot campsite was no joke, and the first part was considered easy to the instructors, because trees were cleared for us. The second part then made us go through the forest, and we were there by 5pm as expected. Bathed and washed up by the river, did up tents, and cooked dinner.

The first part of the trek consisted of this. We only ran a tiny fraction of this 'walkway' the previous day.
Muddy boots? Oh yeahDay 4/ Jungle Day 2 : Started the day by setting up a flying fox across the abovementioned river, how? ask me personally if you really wanna know, the details would bore you to death. sent bags and personnel across within 2 hours. which is an hour earlier than stipulated passing time.

No time to care whether my boots were wet.
The rope crew
As you can see in the picture below, the bags or person will not travel across and above the river, it or he will hit the water in the middle of the river, observe carefully for a yellow rope attached to the pulley that hangs on the main white rope. The 'rope crew' has to haul his ass towards the bank or he'll just stay stranded like that. Might i say that hauling a guy's ass in water is no easy feat.

Try to swim!

Continued with the journey, all the way to the midway of the mountain, there was another campsite which were supposed to reach by 5pm, but we were there by 1pm. so we only stayed there for lunch, refreshed ourselves, topped up water supplies with water from the river itself, via a filtration manual pump called a Katadyn.

River Camwhoring
Working hard with the KatadynLeft that point, and continued up via a white water river first, we first walked with the water level up to the knee, but it wasnt too bad as it was refreshing. But the point where by we were clinging to rocks to walk as water was up to the chest level made it all the more thrilling, yet consequential. Water seeped into our bags (because they were on us not above us), making some of our personal effects wet. For me fortunately, it was just the sleeping bag that got wet, nothing else. Got the heck out of the river and continued in the greenery all the way to the summit.

Arguments arose as frustration and fatigue set it. Both physical and mental.
after 3 hours of false hope, we were at the top.

No time to take pictures or take a breather as a thunderstorm was imminent. So tents were set up quickly, did our dinner, and even took a free shower from the heavens before the lightning and thunder came. Took refuge in tent when the anger of nature came. I got freaked out because we were at the highest point, exposed to the full force of mother nature. the winds rocked the tent, rain made the roof streak with water, and the lightning, turned night into day.

30 minutes later, mother nature smiled at us by showing us the stars of the sky. for me, the constellations spelled her name out. and we just enjoyed the night breeze with complimentary chatter in the background.

the Salomon shirt, and the Energizer headlamp
Me and luthfi, and our well shaped tent
Day 5/Jungle Day 3 : The reason why we scaled the mountain came at 6 am, and that spelt the calling of photos. Enjoy them.

In between Clouds.
Clouds hug the neighbouring mountains of Sabah and SarawakBt Lutut Conquered

Packed our stuff, to head back to base camp.
Happy as we were, we moved ass quickly and we were at our lunch point at 11am, which was an hour earlier than expected. So we happily cooked the majority of our food rations to have a hearty lunch, not thinking that we may have to spend another night in the jungle.

5 minute break guys. Drink up, and let's capture this moment

10 minutes to base camp, we knew. But our instructors toyed with our minds, saying that we were going the wrong way, and thus, we had to stay in the jungle for another night since we were "way off course". Liars - i told myself. But we just made do with what they said, set up camp, and cooked our remaining supplies of food.

Smile and make the best out of it

Day 6/ Jungle day 4 : A missing watchmate, led to the discovery of him by a steep muddy slope with a fractured left shin. Did our evacuation procedures as rescuers of the honourary members of the Singapore Civil Defence Force, and got him extricated safely within an hour. Mud was up to the knees as we carried him out to the medical crew on the boat.

again, my mind was toying with me as we pushed the stretcher on to the boat, because the instructors werent really panicking, and the first arriving medic wasnt in a rush. these were tell tale signs that the injury was staged. But i just chose to reserve my comments. Was back at base camp in 10 minutes from our previous campsite as expected. By then 2 guys were already suffering digestive problems with vomiting and diarrhea.

and i knew well enough that the injury was staged, as the 'casualty' was running towards us for a mini debrief.

cleaned up our stores, only to use some of them again for the Solo night which started at 3pm.
Did up my basha in the rain, got my clothes wet and was already resting by 4pm. instructors came by to provide me with a mosquito coil. Went to sleep with wet clothes as i did not bring any change. Suffered the consequences, kept waking up to cold feet and endless shivering.

Day 7 : Daybreak, and my mind was at rest from any wild animals that could harm me. Instructors came to pick us up at 9 am, and we cleaned our stores for good this time round.
Returned them by 2 pm, then went for white water kayaking 6km downriver, and a 3 km run back to camp.

By then, another 3 guys were down with the same problem of diarrhea and vomiting.

Day concluded with us taking the camera out again in the dorms.

Me and my kayaking partner
All good for a photo even with nausea and diarrhea
Goodnight, goodnightDay 8: i got the diarrhea spell, along with another 6 guys. By then the severity of this escalated.
those who were sick with this, were sent to hospital, while the rest of the guys completed a 10km run as a last challenge of OBBD. Spent the majority of my day in the hospital, with the other 5, one of them was a Bruneian who went home to meet his family. The rest of them, were doing a fire station visit at the very town where i was hospitalised, and also Rest & Relax (r&r) session there, since there was no accomadation at the Capital, thus we couldnt do our r&r at the capital, which was more lively.

we were discharged at 9pm. i was still having a fever then.
the night trip back was rather nice, in the bus, with my hospital buddies.
it was also cool to have been in the same ward as them at the hospital.

back at camp, me and amirul, another guy who was having a fever, were told to spend the night in the medical center to be under observation

Panoramic View of Sungei Temburong

Day 9: 4am, we woke up. Final words from instructors, then off we went. Homeward Bound. The bus ride to the central of Temburong, then the water taxi ride, where my mp3 died on me. breakfast was ready at the jetty where we alighted, then the bus ride back to the airport.

Boarded the boeing 767, then touchdown at 0954.

Hello, Singapore
Touchdown

met sayang, then spent that day with her. you know the rest.
that concludes, the story of brunei, my verdict?
tougher than BMT.
except for the fact of accomodation. id rather tents than trenches ANYTIME.

speaking of dearest, i hope she's doing fine in india,
i cant wait for her arrival back here tomorrow, because i miss her already.
and this is only a 5 day trip.
i dont know how i would bear without her for 3 weeks when she leaves for australia,
and 5 weeks when she leaves for canada.

sighs.
oh well.

smile and make the best out of it i suppose.

"volition"

Back From Brunei

2008-11-23T21:59:00.002+08:00

By far, it is one of the most toughest Outward Bound course in my life.
with effect from this course, consider my resignation into the outdoors as a participant.

I guess i've done enough outdoors for now.
Details and photos, i share with you once i have both of them.

As for today, i just wanna sum up one thing.
Thank you so much honey, for spending the day with me.
To see you at the airport took all the pain and fatigue away for those precious moments.

Have a safe trip to india and come back safely alright?
i love you nuzurath.

"make it mine"

C-P-R

2008-11-09T00:23:00.003+08:00

yes ladies and gentlemen, i am now a first aider under the civil defence.
cool-ness.
Read : First Aider, not doctor.

Yeah, the usual CPR, which i have learnt for the 3rd time now,
and a few basic bandaging skills for wounds and fractures,
and not forgetting how to use the AED (automatic external defibrillator), those things you see on the walls of vivo.

Other than that, Brunei is still on, postponed to next week.
And field exercises begin next week.

oh, what a way to start the day ahead!

"impossible"

Worried

2008-11-02T20:17:00.002+08:00

im in a nervous wreck.
outward bound brunei coming up the next weekend, and my term 2 test on thursday.
just these two things are stressing me out already.
i have limited time to pack, which makes me worry about what, how and when to pack.
see, there's already 3 things to worry about.
plus the fact that i know that there is going to be a solo night makes it worst.

as for the test, there's alot to remember, and alot to cover, right now, im supposed to be taking a short break to calm my nerves down, but as you can tell, im panicking just by thinking of it.
once the test is over, i guess i can calm myself a little.

just my like my dearest one, i tend to think too much and as a result, i panic.
tomorrow marks the beginning of her A levels.
i wish you all the best my love. give it your best shot.
and i mean your best.

i hope we can meet this coming friday, even though i know i got to pack a lot of stuff.
well, come to think of it, not much really. it's just that i need a tight hug from you.
and to see you smile, and laugh in front of me.

i miss you so much nuzurath.

do i really have to go?
well, at least im not in the army.

"afraid and vulnerable"

Pulau Ubin

2008-10-27T19:57:00.007+08:00

Right, it's been an enjoyable weekend so far, but at the same time, i compromised studying time for my Term 2 test.

Let's start with friday, booked out, and managed to grab the opportunity to meet her.
we headed down to kallang leisure park to catch Max Payne. Movie was mediocre, nothing too cool about it. Nonetheless, the moment i hugged her, i felt really happy and calm after a long and hectic week in camp. Thank you Sayang.

Saturday, woke up late than the stipulated time to meet for the cycling trip with my secondary school buddies. I swear i felt like i got hit by a truck when i woke up. Planned not to go, because i thought i was late, but then again, i knew these guys well, you can be 2 hours late, but they wont be mad at you. Well, that's because, they are the ones who contribute to the 2 hours mentioned above.

Met up at pasir ris, headed down to the coast of changi to take a ride on the bumboat to pulau ubin. yes, you read right, pulau ubin for a cycling trip! cool stuff isnt it? its still all kampongs down there, which is cool, you get to taste a little bit of singapore history today.
so we rented bikes, and guess what, i found out that we were gonna teach my friend how to ride a bike that very day. so about 30 minutes of teaching, and he was already on his way. spent the whole day covering the island, back on mainland at 7pm, ate at changi village. Had satay and chicken rice. Sinful i tell you. then spent the night by the beach chilling out till late.

Sunday, went for a farewell dinner at orchard. Dinner was great, food was excellent, and the company, never better. To Gregory, if you are reading this, i wish you well, and all the best for your future endeavours.

Today, was supposed to study, but i got distracted by multiple stuff. As you can see, im rushing a little on this blogpost (if you can tell) cause i think im already late. But i wanted to squeeze an entry before going off. Well, that's it for now. Till the weekend!

No time for captions, just let the pictures take you there.
Credits to khaifad and his Nikon D200 for taking these great shots.

Farewell dinner "Bonfires of trust"

Hollow Smile

2008-10-19T21:55:00.003+08:00

From throat and eyes came winter and reasons
I'm told to carry on
Sad overwhelms my senses drown oh I feel dependent
The feeling that you were honestly gone
I can't shake it...

make the same mistake twice
burst of red and green covering me
bring some things that she loves
I should let it fold over

We count the days left, 31
And all I know
Honestly, could I be protected
With you suddenly gone
The feeling that you were honestly gone
I can't shake it...

"live to tell"

Nineteen

2008-10-11T06:39:00.003+08:00

yay. im one year older now.
haha, oh well, not really that big a deal.
to all those who remembered, thank you.

i also learnt that i share my birthday with a coursemate of mine.
giving me the opportunity to say "happy birthday to you too".
a line that one doesnt really get to use when a person wishes one happy birthday.

ippt on friday drained me out.
aunt came over on the very same day,
i looked horribly shagged.
her visits always make me reflect, some of you should know why already.

anyway, guard duty tomorrow, and HTA on monday.
hope things goes good.

to my love, it's already 2 weekends gone, and i still havent seen you in person, i just want you to know that no matter how tired i am, i miss you. But it doesnt really matter, because the reunion is just going to be sweeter anyway. Right?

"sad overwhelms"

Expanding Vapor

2008-10-04T23:27:00.002+08:00

Lets make this short and sweet.
due to the lack of time that i have, this will be a VERY short post.
in fact, that shortest ever on simple design.
because it was a simple design to begin with.

yeah lame. i know.

ANYWAY, i wish selamat hari raya to all my muslim friends, and to those whom i have hurt intentionally or not, i seek for your forgiveness, and wish to start things anew.

and to my darling sweetheart, nuzurath. Please take care of yourself, your coughs are getting me really worried.

Not forgetting, happy 9th month sayang. :)

"world in grey"

Fire Badge

2008-09-27T22:52:00.005+08:00

so i got my fire badge,
with it, according to higher superiors, i am able to attend to fire calls.
but to be perfectly honest, i dont feel ready to live up to the expectations surrounding that decoration on my uniform. not yet at least.

there's still alot to learn, and i think that i would be truly meaningful if the fire badge was awarded on the day where i pass out. maybe then i can live up to the expectations of who i am supposed to be, come january 23rd.

other than an exciting monday night, the week was as usual, training for competition and revising on fire fighting techniques. the dampener for the week? was the cancellation of the Firemanship Skills Competition. Apparently, it'll be postponed to the 26th of december, where we'll be competing with new batches of fire fighters, and specialist cadets.

let pictures of the week take you there,

A loaded truck for our fire badge
A lil camwhoring before the whole thing starts
Briefing by our Duty Officer for the night
Turning out to the scene of fire
Dampening down the first fire
SOC Training (Obstacle featured in this picture : the balancing beam)SOC sibei jialat
Group Huddle before the start of the competitionRed Rhinos ready, but the rain doesnt allow the vehicles to be on the same wavelengths as us.
let's leave ns aside, hmm, i now understand why khalid was blogging so much around his time as a trainee, since there's much more to talk about than as compared to the ever-strict, nothing-leaves-camp Singapore Armed Forces.

right now im spending time with my lovely one, sitting beside her as she studies,
hmm, i feel like im a major distraction to her.
and im sorry for being late today. dont be angry okay?
i'll get you a big teddy bear with chocolates stuffed in it okay?
then another one as a comfort item. :)

"things that she loves"

Red Eyed

2008-09-21T00:21:00.005+08:00

cant seem to sleep right now.
the wonders of being able to surf the net, listening to new tracks on my media player and also spending quality time with my loved one.

training this week was by far one of the toughest for me.
began the week with a speedy monday, let me just share that sprint training is equivalent to killing your legs. went on with strained hamstrings and quads for the rest of the week.
the knockout blow was delivered on thursday, training for competition in the morning, fighting fire by noon, and doing SOC before sundown.
by friday i was struggling to put on my shirt.

that's why i hate it when people think that SCDF is a slack force. sure, it's full of malays, but you're a fool to think if most of my future subordinates are typical mats who cant do work for nuts.
sure they're mischievious, but that's their culture. their way of having a laugh or two.
why the sudden respect you may ask? because they go through shit, and yet they go on fasting, and answering the call to prayer with seemingly relative ease. talk is cheap as ive seen it with my own eyes, and im convinced enough.

4 hours, i spent with her today. and im thankful for that amount of time. the bulk of it was spent at the beach, catching up, as if we were long lost friends, well, maybe more than just friends.
perhaps its the fact that i havent met her in a while. perhaps her smile radiates,
her eyes sparkle brighter than ever. Her voice blanketing the fire of hatred and frustrations built up within me over the week. I wont forget the way we said goodbye today.

thank you sayang :)

now for the pictures over the week.

training for the competition, our baton? the ladder of course.

Remember the impulse gun i was talking about?
That's 1 litre of water being shot out at 120m/s (that's 432 km/h if you do the math)Control tower testing out the fire

this is only half of the fires you can see in CDALets go for a run with out Breathing Apparatus (BA) Sets. I look quite tall here dont i? Im the guy nearest to the camera :)

Let the firefighting begin!Leaking pipe below the LPG tankMoving in for mitigation
Main pipeline leakage
You dont really get to see rainbows and flames together, do you?Shields of water protecting us from heat Commanding a section to move nearer to the pipe so that i can switch off the valve of the pipe.Now, where's that valve?
"mark my way"

Flashover

2008-09-14T16:24:00.006+08:00

i hope i got enough rest over the weekend to face the next week.
we're about halfway through my fellow muslims,
rejoice?

as for me, i know i wont be able to.
it's been a tough ramadhan so far, with me falling ill again on wednesday.
even when you have to break fast in order to continue walking straight,
it becomes such a painful ordeal to have to come to that decision.
that's why i burn inside whenever i see malay 'muslims' openly disrespecting the month.

an aspersion to belief.
distasteful, absurd.

is ramadhan turning into a 'festival'?
come reflect my brethren, is there a need for pop concerts, lavish lighting and fireworks to mark the start of the holy month? are we spending lots on new furniture, electrical appliances, cars even? so that when relatives arrive come 1st syawal, they will be impressed? is it really a must? or an urge that we are supposed to control while we observe the fasting period.

they say that we'll lose weight during the fasting month. let us look in the mirror, how much food do we have on the table before the sun sets? i mean, sure, the bazaars in ramadhan do prepare these annual delicacies, and it's perfectly fine if we wanna satisfy our yearly craves. however, do we binge ourselves when the call to prayer sounds? the weight we lose is most probably psychological, just because we dont eat from dawn to dusk.

pity that the holy month is turning into a month of exploitation, greed, and lavish celebrations.
and that our community isnt as sensitive as we were back then, where people still had shame, and those who couldnt fast for respective reasons observed the month like a good muslim. rather than tarnish the image of muslims.

rebutkanlah pahala di bulan yang mulia in.
sesungguhnya Allah membuka pintu Rahmat-Nya dengan begitu luas.

A line i hear every year when Eid falls,
i wish i could be part of the congregation for the night prayers like i did last year,
Apparently not all muslims share the same ideal as i do.

i'll hand it to the pictures to tell you about the training these past 2 weeks.

IPPT Detail
BOC Kena Pump!
Fourth from left, front row
On the lorry to CD shelter visit. I love lorry rides, they're windy.
No, not DB.
Cool the doorthen enterwait for the tongue
then hit it Flaming sky when we're not fighting fire, we fight boredom and Zzz monsters in lectures "redeem"

Weekend Burn

2008-09-07T18:06:00.003+08:00

I just got back from my saturday guard duty this morning, and boy, was it a drag as always.
Although it's not as tiring as weekday guard duties, the fact that this duty falls in the fasting month plays a big role in draining your energy, especially when your sleep is interrupted because you have to get up to sahur.

Well, another 2 more guard duties for this month of Ramadhan, one on next friday, and the other, on the wednesday on the week after next. Ugh.

Speaking of Ramadhan, it's already one week down, and i have 3 more weeks to go.
I must say though, that Ramadhan this year, really doesnt feel like the magical fasting month that i always look forward to when i was younger. Maybe it's because of the fact that im not eating with my family before sunrise and after sunset. And, plus the fact that i have to give my best during training, yet continue fasting. Hopefully, i'll be able to minimise the number of days where i have to break fast in order to prevent my health from detereorating.

Well, back to topic. Even though i spent my saturday prowling the perimeter of CDA and monitoring the vehicle movement in and out of the complex at the sentry post, im still glad that i got to meet her just now. I was happy enough to be beside her as she studied, while i worked on a powerpoint slide presentation for an assessment.

Like i mentioned many times before, to me, being able to see her smile widely and get out subtle laughter from her puts my heart at ease. So that hour or two is really precious to me. and maybe to her even, because at this current moment, she has her A's to deal with, and i have NS to serve. A testing period indeed, but im glad things are still going smoothly with her. And i hope it continues this way till her As end, and till i pass out from CDA. Because by then, we'll have more time for each other, and things will most surely be sweeter than they already are.

Wouldnt you agree, Miss Nuzurath? :)

that's it for now, i need to catch up with my beloved guitars before breaking fast.
hopefully, i'll get pictures to post up for the next blogpost.

"for love and mercy"

Simulating Rain

2008-08-31T18:15:00.005+08:00

First of all, let's start with this song aim right back at my love,
im sure you're familiar enough with the lyrics,

i think the song appropriately describes how i felt when i first talked to you online, followed by when i first called to hear your sultry voice. Then our first meetup, i can still remember how obviously nervous you appeared to be, while you tried so hard to cover it up.

to the moment where our hands accidentally touched, at that point of time, it was indeed a rush for me. from that moment on, you were on my mind most of the time, despite prelims being right smack in front of me. hoping that things would develop into something more, but still, i felt like i was the only one feeling that way.

things have changed quite a fair bit since then, and i know ive been saying one apology too many. Indeed, you have been patient with me, and understanding even, yet sometimes, i take advantage of you, taking you for granted. i wanna change for your sake, to make this relationship sweeter than it already is, apart from the fact that i do spoil it sometimes.

i know what is it that you want now, and i hope i can give it to you, and make you truly happy, giving you what you've always wanted since the beginning of the relationship , because as i've said once when you're happy, i'm overjoyed.

As for the past week in CDA? Let the pictures do the talking this time, im a little too tired and in a rush for anymore words.

Foam Party

Cloudy Mist

Making Rain

Dirt and gravel

SOC Civil Defence Style

"the way it goes"

Heat and Humility

2008-08-24T14:37:00.002+08:00

while my coursemates managed to go through a milestone event,
i was getting an xray for my chest.
for what? it's basically to see whether i got a lung infection.
insyaAllah, i hope there isnt.

had a high fever from sunday all the way to wednesday, with my temperature reading 39 on wednesday. now im on light duty till tuesday, and to be honest, i cant wait to get back into training. because it is really boring to be sitting by the sidelines, watching. I also happened to miss my rescue equiptment proficiency test, and most probably gonna miss my standard obstacle course test. what a bummer.

right now im still in a state of mass confusion over what's gonna happen when i see the MO tmr for my medical review. I really hope he doesnt extend my light duty for another 3 days or something. because being on light duty is really a super bore. oh well.

it's almost a year since we first talked. for now, things between me and her are going good. and i am glad that they are. the last thing i want is for her to be over thinking about this relationship. :)

"electrical storm"

Rescue

2008-08-16T19:40:00.005+08:00

This week was as per normal.
Dealt with rescue procedures, and the related equipment.
Not to mention doing some gym with oxygen tanks.
Oh yes, not forgetting going through a collapsed sewer pipe simulation.
Yes, that meant going through tight spaces, and also diving in into murky water.
I'll let the captions on the pictures lead you there.

At the 'sewer' entrance

Still waiting

On standby

That's me after going through it, notice that my suit is drenched

drying my feet

The endless ladder and the impact machine.

Sparks fly with the powersaw, just like when i first held her hand

Sunset by CDA

Anyway, to my love, i'm sorry for ruining your surprise.
It looks like i got there faster. Nonetheless, i am touched by the thought.
And yes, you know my impatience very well. And that's why i love you so. :)

"again i try"

Impulse

2008-08-10T18:26:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday beloved Singapore.
Mom's as old as you are.

Nothing much happening over this week.
Just a guard duty on wednesday, which left me kindda pissed off the next morning,
then we played with the impulse gun and the water mist gun
The impulse gun is like a shot gun, but it fires out a powerful water mist; the recoil of the gun, would be enough to dislocate your shoulder if you were to hold it like you would with a SAR21 or m16.
The water mist gun on the other hand is basically like a high powered super soaker. Nothing big about the water mist gun, had more fun with impulse gun.

Spent the majority of yesterday with my lovely lady by the beach, skating and spending precious quality time. To me, nothing can make me as happy as spending a solid hour or two with her. Within that period of time, by being beside her, and looking into her eyes, i just want to see her worries and frustrations disappear, and that smile to reappear. The beautiful smile that swept me off my feet.

7 months that we've been together, and almost a year now since we started talking to each other, i've never felt as contented as i have before. :)

"be by my side"

HazMat

2008-08-02T21:14:00.002+08:00

I saw cloudless skies this week, and saw the sun set in the reflection of my dormitory window, how painful it felt.

The past week, we were mainly focusing on Hazardous Materials, HazMat for short.
What comes to your mind when i mention Hazmat?
For me, only 2 things came to my mind when i was slightly younger.
Darth Vader suits and radioactive glowing green goo.
Never did i think of how it would feel like being in one of those suits.

It's hot in those suits, and it's hard to breathe.
And we still have to save 'casualties' and clean up 'spillages'.
But nonetheless, it's still quite fun at the end of the day, especially with friends.

The week before was focused on the senior batch's passing out parade, which included us being in no. 2 uniform for the dining in ceremony held at Raffles Town Club.

Cut the visualisation already, let the pictures take you there.

I thought i wouldnt be able to meet her this weekend.
But i am thankful for today.
To be able to finally spend some quality time with her by the beach.
It was what i longed for over these few weeks.
Just that precious hour or two with her, and no one else bothering the both of us.
The hugs, and kisses, with the wind pressing gently on our faces.
That was all i needed to wash my hands off the dirt i had to go through over this week.

I saw the state flag fly past above the shorelines,
how thankful and happy i felt.

"on a train"

Guard Duty

2008-07-19T22:17:00.002+08:00

Alright. Back from camp since yesterday evening.

Thank goodness i didnt have to go back to camp today to do footdrills.
It was a close shave though.
If it wasnt for our performance on friday, i dont think i'd be able to have book-ed out on the day itself.
Well i dont really wanna talk about the unpleasant experiences i've had through the week which relates to this.

Anyway, i did my very first guard duty on wednesday.
It was kinda fun, but it is inconvenient, as it disrupts the daily living routine.
Prowling was done quite quickly, and sentry involved chatting with the buddies from my detail.

Im excited for tomorrow, as im gonna be able to meet my girlfriend and spend time with her while celebrating her friend's birthday. Although i know the time with her tomorrow will be limited, i must make do with it. Like i mentioned in the previous post, time spent with her will never be enough.

Moving on. I recently checked out stomp.sg and heard about the $950 reward from class 95 FM to anyone out there who can send them a 'good' video of the ugly Singaporeans in action. What do i mean by ugly? It simply means inconsiderate.
Yeah well, these two channels just show another ugly side of singaporeans, that is, we complain and talk bad behind our "victim's" back, but we dont dare go up to that irritant to tell his or her mistake.

Read this article first before you become a citizen journalist yourself.

"A word of advice for all those wanting to win this cash prize by hunting for these ominous videos – to find the ugliest Singaporean, you may only need to point your camera at the mirror." - Ridzwan.com

"behind words"

Late Night

2008-07-13T11:08:00.002+08:00

i'm having a writer's block actually.
but i have to type down something every week.
it's starting to feel like an obligation to blog whenever i book out.

got out on friday, with the intention to meet her immediately.
i was already in a cab on the way there,
but due to time constraints and a jam at PIE,
i didnt manage to do so.

feeling like i lost my guideline out of a dark maze,
i made a detour to ikea at alexandra to get a cupboard organizer, just like my bunk buddie's.
so as to maximise the space of a very very small cupboard.
met khalid to just talk for a while over at vivo after that.

yesterday, met up with her at the library, accompanied her to do her work while i did a photo chart for the BOC on her laptop. and was she a big help. and at that point i realised that she was much better at microsoft office than i was. thank you for the help my love.

2 hours of bliss with her. just to be able to kiss, hug and see her smile.

after sending her home, went to meet up with khalid to watch hell boy 2.
movie was cool. effects, humour, romance, and storyline.
movie deserves 3.5 out of 5.
after that, went to arab street to accompany khalid to a friend's birthday party.
socialised a little, till late, before heading back home.

this weekend was good. a late night out socialising once in a while is fun.
what more with the impromptu decisions.

however, i wish i could spend more time with my girlfriend.
even if i met her for 2 weeks straight everyday, it will never seem enough.
but the wait is worthwhile. definitely.

"it's not showing"

You, My Aura.

2008-07-06T18:24:00.004+08:00

Malam kehadiran cinta sambut jiwa baru
Telah lama kutunggu hadirmu disini
Namun hanya ruang semu yang nampak padaku
Meski sulit harus kudapatkan

Kerinduan yang mendalam terbitkan hasratku
Sambutlah tangan ini terima janjiku
Rasakan cinta yang tulus lewat aliran darahmu
Menyatu seiring dalam kasih

Kau auraku ..
Memancarkan sepercik harapan
Datanglah merasuk mengiring jelma
Meleburkan cinta
Kubawa kau terbang menembus awan yang beriring
Kembangkan senyuman
Bagai bunga .. bawa keindahan

Tak dapat kusangkal lagi adanya dirimu
Yang s'lalu menaungi pikiran batinku
Ingin miliki hatimu
Takkan pernah terlepaskan
Kupersembahkan semua padamu

just a short dedication to her,
hope it makes you smile, because your smiles mean the world to me.

"stop at nothing"

The Academy

2008-07-06T11:26:00.002+08:00

it's been two weeks now since i stepped into Civil Defence Academy.
i had one weekend confinement,
as compared to the OCS people who have to go through 2 weekend confinements.
life there has been okay so far, much better than that in army.
at least i see the point of training as an officer cadet in CDA.
God willing, i'll complete the course.
i just have to take it week by week.

met up with khalid and my girl on friday night,
we attended this convention at paya lebar, singapore post auditorium.
i was late, so me and khalid didnt get good seats.
only saw her after the convention, all covered up in a black headscarf.
Boy did she look so beautiful.
Her eyes sparkled upon her radiating face.
i wanted to hug her so much when i saw her, but i knew that i had to stop myself from doing so.
You all understand why right?

It's been half a year and a day.
Yesterday when i sat by her, i felt like i was being filled up again. Emptiness over the 2 weeks. fading away. Her priceless smiles showed up once again, and her laughter filling up the air was a good indication that i took her troubles away. Because that's all i want from her, to be happy whenever im around her. Because when she's happy, im overjoyed.

Thank you sweetheart.

"love potion"

K2

2008-06-22T22:25:00.002+08:00

alright, the eve of going to a new camp.

i bought new skates so that i can go skating with her by the beach more often, without having to rent them. Original price $273, but i got them at $179. Sweet.
Started using them today,
we skated all the way from big splash to tanah merah nsrcc.
FUN.
i almost fell into a bush of bougainvilleas today.
we parted as she made her way to the chalets for a family reunion,
and i made a u-turn and skated in the reverse direction of where we came from.

anyway, i updated my passbook.
i realised that i spent $854 over the past two weeks.
why? ask me. i'll tell you personally.
haha. but the money is all worth it. definitely.

sigh.
im gonna miss her dearly.
having spent the majority of my block leave with her.
as i pack my stuff for tomorrow,
the memories of the first 2 weeks confinement at pulau tekong sends shivers down my spine.
having her in my head, with no one to talk to for the first few days, and lots of idling time.
non-stop heartache, so much so that i felt like crying everywhere i went.
i hope this time round, it'd be slightly easier on my heart.

and on us.

good luck for your exams sweetheart, you know i'll be there for you.
just as you were there for me last year.

"glide"

Transfer

2008-06-21T16:08:00.005+08:00

Click on the picture below

if you have read what's on the picture, it says that i'll be posted to the civil defence force.
yes, that's right.
from army to civil defence.
why? dont ask me. i didnt ask for it. but im not complaining either.
lets just pray that i dont go out of course.

moving on to happier notes.
i managed to spend a whole week with my girlfriend.
and during this week, it felt like i was falling in love with her all over again.

Watching a movie, playing pool, skating, enjoying the sea breeze, having lunch and tutoring her.
Just the one-two i was just counting on.
and nothing compares to that.

im happy.
to have made her smile and laugh.
to see her pout.
to have her sink into me as i put my arms around her.
and to be able to gaze into those crystal clear eyes as i plant a soft kiss on her cheek.

I love you.

"whatever it takes"

Hit the Beat

2008-06-18T22:48:00.005+08:00

Back to the beach,
i just love spending quiet time with her,
letting my senses take in everything that the surroundings have to offer.

took the opportunity to test out my photography skills with an 8 megapix digital camera,
this is what i roughly managed.
and if you can, go watch the movie "get smart".
it's really hilarious,with a simple storyline and cool gadgets.
Anne Hathaway totally changed my perception of her in this movie.
No more tiara-princess, because she plays a hot female secret agent in the movie.
Sexy without being slutty.
That's what a lot of youths these days cant get right.
Especially if you take a walk down the "happening" areas.

"Take it to the verse"

Ex 5

2008-06-16T20:45:00.004+08:00

caught up with khalid on friday.
it was a mini blast.
we had good food over at al-majilis cafe, yeah the one with the good food and sheesha, but rather slow service.
i've been to one of their branches before, and i felt that the food was awesome, and their sheesha quite cool. That was when i was catching up with my secondary school mates before enlisting.

Dunearn Secondary, not some high end boys school.
Do i really look like im from a boys school?

anyway, he brought his friend, adil, along. and they were talking incessantly about their NS experience.
i didnt share mine, cause i felt that my side was too uninteresting.

maybe that's why im not so willing to serve.

after the food, khalid made a crazy decision. again.
we did the extreme swing. again.
for his for adil. it was his first time.
i suppose he and khalid would be storytelling with his other bunkmates by now.

bottom line : no matter how many times you've experienced free fall, you will never be accustomed to its effects.

so after a lil adrenalin rush, we took a walk round clarke quay.
lets just say, it's a place i wouldnt like to be at.
filthy by my standards. now now, to each his own.
took a few pics as a memorandum
before proceeding to clarke quay mrt to board our respective night riders home.

just before waiting for the buses, we popped by the cheers outlet to get a drink, well they did, while i chose to stick to my nalgene. while looking through the store, a bunch of them came in wanting to buy liquor.

"no liquor after 12" the cashier said. and that got them ticked off.
something like that just left me shaking my head as i left the store.
it's just disturbing that the number of muslim youths doing the above mentioned is increasing.

but who am i to condemn them?
im no better if i dont take care of my prayers.

sigh.

"everyday"

Passing Out Parade

2008-06-12T21:50:00.011+08:00

I'm too lazy for words, let the pictures do the talking.

Tekong SunsetHer smile is as captivating as the sunset.

"inside"

Rehearse

2008-06-07T18:39:00.002+08:00

yeah, that's what i've been doing at camp since thursday in camp.
with a new batch of enlistees coming in on that day and on friday,
saw my cousin enlisting on that day.
i wish him the best of luck, but i think all your brothers would have given you tonnes and tonnes of advice, so i suppose it wont be so hard.

a rather blissful end to this week.
got silver for IPPT,
passed SOC,
and completed the grand finale of BMT, the 24 km route march.

though i felt that i had more fun while doing the 16 km march, i dont think i'll ever forget the moments of ending the march. Holding their hands and swinging it back and forth like happy-go-lucky people, and attempting to wake school 1 as we assembled in the parade square for dismissal. drenched in sweat from head to toe. unbelievable.

oh, then we had games day. i took part in one of the games, and yes, as expected,
Leopard owns school 2 for the 13th time running.

and i have about a good 21 hours left before booking in.

"refraction begins"

Torn Wings

2008-06-01T14:45:00.003+08:00

it's just a question, but i bet it'll get mouths moving.

why are there hardly any malays in the air force and navy?

i havent found any satisfactory answers.
well, maybe it's the diplomatic presentation of them answers.

and because of this, my dream of getting my own pair of wings may not come true.

oh well, life's like that.

"wonderwall"

Kun Min

2008-05-25T02:35:00.004+08:00

Nobody's perfect, everyone wants respect, I believe in myself, but that
doesn't mean I'm famous.
A flash before my eyes, my heart's struck by pain, stop your lies, they say
it's going to be alright,
But it's hard to heal and keep your head up when you're feeling alone, I'm
tired of dark days,
I'm tired of going astray, I've been low enough to want God to take me back
to him.
Ignoring everything, I'm only fighting for my dream and my future, and if I
trip and fall,
I'll rise up, brush the dust off me, look into the mirror and promise
myself, as long as I breathe,
I'll have faith in myself.

The mirror pictures what I feel, and I feel that my world is shining,
I'll catch whoever depresses my dreams and my abilities.
Stop putting my patience on trial, I am who I am, I never give up,
I shine through and I'm always real.
My hope is simple, it's not fake.
My hope is nice, fine, only mine.

I'm living behind a facade,
I was hoping I could step out,
sad thoughts, my heart beats too hard,
I wanted to leave, but then I'll be the one to suffer,
so I'll withstand it, it's about time that I stand up,
look into the mirror, the victory's winning, but hey it's human to make
mistakes,
I tell myself, I won't let the curtains drop, it's not my call, that's not
how I see myself.

Look at me,
tell me what you see, I'd wish that I had more,
believe in me, my hope and my future is alive,
like it or not.
I wanna be free now, be myself, by my own, I'm signing out now,
out of this game, take me as I am, my dream, I'll reach it,
Nice, fine, Only Mine.

"blast radius"

Iron Man

2008-05-17T14:40:00.001+08:00

back from field camp.
and it feels darn good to be using proper toilet facilities again.
and also eating real food, and not some semi solid meals in a packet.

the experience was unique and draining, but at the same time, im just secretly hoping that i wouldnt have to go through that kinda thing again. God was helping us during the field camp. Rain only poured down in the wee hours of the second morning and also the afternoon of day 5. Other than that, the weather was absolutely perfect. The kind that had all my platoon mates going - "the weather rocks".

enough about army.
caught iron man with my girl on friday. movie was great, loved the effects. but the company was better. i apologise if i wasnt receptive towards you the other day, i was really drained and hadnt recovered from the after effects of field camp.
met up with khalid on saturday to play pool, apparently he wasnt alone this time round. i'm seriously happy for you my friend.
spent most of my sunday at home, before heading down to beach road to get some army ziplock bags in the afternoon, and then from there transported myself to ECP to spend some quiet time with her.
i'm gonna accompany her to study today. but it wont be for long since i have to book in today.
well, it's only gonna last 4 days before my next bookout.

oh yes, i've accepted the offer from NUS. so in 2010 when my green IC turns pink again (which is still a long long way to go) i'll be an undergraduate there. and whether it's silat or dragonboating, i can decide that later. For now, let's just focus on getting my ass out of tekong in one piece by june 10.

"shell scrape"

Firer

2008-05-04T16:58:00.002+08:00

booking in is gonna suck today.
another 2 weeks in tekong.

the brightside? 4 days of leave when i return to mainland on the 16th of May nightfall.
which means only one weekend burnt.

here's the catch.
for 5 days 4 nights, i'll be in camp.
and for another 6 days 5 nights, i'll be in the heart of tekong.
yes, no beds, no cupboards, no fans and no proper toilet facilities.
field camp ladies and gentlemen!

that's right. the forest will be my home for 6 days 5 nights.
it's gonna be much more tougher than any OBS course. for sure.
only brothers as pillars of strength during this period of time.

moving on.
i met my girl yesterday and today,
and she made me realise just how much i havent reflected upon myself.
the mistakes i keep repeating, i dont realise somehow.
thank you my love, you know what you've done for me.

make sure you take care of yourself while im away alright?
im gonna miss you.
if only we could meet just before i go in today.
i just wanna give you another tight hug.
i love you nuzurath.
i just hope i can bear all of it and hold on during the following week.

sanity, dont fail me now.

"watch your front"

Mainland

2008-04-26T23:41:00.002+08:00

It feels darn good to be back on mainland again.
im happy to be home.

it is through suffering, that you appreciate the simpler things in life.

and you cant deny this. this is why we take things for granted; we always have them. once robbed of it, you realise the value of it - so much so that it begins to transform into a luxury all over again.
the number one thing that means to me the most after going through 2 weeks without it - the freedom to do what you want.

right here, right now, i can choose to, call my girl, catch up with friends, or even take a cab down to cineleisure to catch a late night movie with friends and most importantly, complete prayers on time. but over there, freedom was robbed from me, and i just had to live with it.

this comes down to the emotions i felt through the 2 weeks over at the island. the very single fact that everything i do is either an order by the sergeant or higher, or an approved permission (for toilet breaks, adjustment in a file, et cetera).

the first few days were just horrible, most of the time were spent in the lecture room and that left me with lots of time to idle, and thinking about home, and her. plus the fact that i barely knew anyone around me made it very difficult for me to cope in the beginning. planes taking off and landing across the channel over at Changi Airport made me think of home and her as well.

suffice to say, it was really hard. thankfully, at least i got to hear her voice every night, and her words formed pillars of strength for me. from there on, life became more bearable, especially with new friends found, and physically draining activities to take the emotional pain away.

i am thankful i met my love today, although it wasnt the typical kind of day. spent the day with her shopping for logistics for her school's council campfire. about an hour or two at ikea and popular. although i felt like kidnapping her so that i can have her all to myself, i know i cant, and that i was happy to have been able to give her a tight hug and see her smile - something i havent done in 2 whole weeks.

here's the reality, im only free on weekends, and she's not.
where does that leave us from now on?
that's the big question that's left for both of us to answer.

how about we take it a step at the time dearest?
what doesnt kill us, will make us stronger.

"back home"

Civilian

2008-04-06T20:08:00.004+08:00

i guess i have to be feeling a lil emo or reflective before i can really blog.
was listening to an old song; "invisible" by Clay Aiken,
felt a lil sad because that song always bring back memories of a lonely past.

Well, it's almost here people, the point where i start to become a man.
yes, National Service. My ass has to be at Pulau Tekong BMTC school 2 at 8.30 am, that means i have to be at Pasir Ris interchange by 7.45-8 am to be transported there.

2 more days left.

so guess how i have been spending my past week?

wednesday and thursday - spent these two days being in charge of kayaking for bendemeer sec with another trainer at sarimbun
friday - spent all day with miss nuzurath by the beach
saturday - became one of the six safety officers stationed along the canal beside Pandan reservoir for the Boys Brigade Adventure Quest in the morning. it was cool because i was underneath an expressway bridge. i would have taken pics, but i didnt wanna risk my phone getting wet or better yet, dropping it into the water.
later in the evening, i went to chill out at a cafe at arab street with a bunch of secondary school friends till late, eating, chatting and of course sheesha. yes khalid, you read right, i tried it.

as for today, i havent been doing much, other than sitting at home and chilling out.
I'm just gonna slack for the next 2 days, hopefully, spend as much time as i can with her for these two days before going in on wednesday.

anyway, here are 2 pics of the legendary Sarimbun Scouts Camp where i started my career as an outdoor trainer. took them before the kids from bendemeer came over from dairy farm for their kayaking session.

view from the Mulit Purpose Hall
view from Campfire Pit 1
oh yeah, do check out the songs that i just put on my music player, they're really good lyrically.
Kom igen is the fastest track on the playlist, but i love it the most because it stands out so much from the trash the blacks make on mtv.

i guess that's it for now, 2 more days, before i officially say goodbye to life as a civilian.

"come again"

Sepia Sun

2008-03-30T21:50:00.007+08:00

Money comes, money goes.
just what on earth am i spending on man?
1k disappears just like that.

i suppose today would be my last 'shopping' escapade for this month,
i got myself a pair of techamphibians by Salomon,
and also a Creative webcam today.
oh, almost forgot to mention that i bought an Energizer headlamp.
ironically, no apparels, although there was one Salomon shirt that i was eyeballing.
hmm, should i?

my goodness, im starting to sound more like a girl.
But i suppose im image conscious. i feel good, when i look good.
perhaps my girlfriend plays a part in making me more image conscious.
i mean, id still wanna impress her, and at the same time, make sure that i wont be a laughing stock.

well, other than spending on apparels, equiptment and shoes, let's breakdown this month's expenditure to see just what exactly i have been spending on during this month.

$100 - at Gmax
$100 - outing with best friends (movies, food, entertainment)
$300 - Oakley sunglasses
$100 - Salomons
$200 - Dearest ( that includes food, movies, and pool)
$100 - miscellaneous

The figures are rounded off nicely for convenience sake.
so that leaves me with about $100 till i get myself enlisted.
sigh, the thought of army brings about fear in me sometimes - because i have to leave my family and her. But the thought of maturing into a 'man' removes that timidness within me.

Yeah well, im just gonna make the best out of it with the remaining time i have left as a civilian.
Enough emo talk, time to whip out pictures!

Natural glamour
Opposites do attract - left = cool , right = hot.That's $264 sitting on her face, but the person wearing it is priceless.Ever looked up at the sky lately? this is how its been for a few days now.The bouncy ponytail! It's a fetish, and she knows it.Angelic, isnt she?it's all about her isnt it?

:)

"energy shot"

G Force

2008-03-22T11:17:00.003+08:00

I did some crazy stuff yesterday.
Which left a hole in my pocket.
But it was definitely worth it.

Began my day by meeting my girl and her friend at wisma, then moved to bugis to play pool.
We were joined later by khalid because she wanted to play a game with him to see whether she was the better one. With all smiles and lots of laughter involved, it really made me feel complete knowing that im partially (or entirely) responsible for that wide smile on her.

After sending her off to the bus stop, me and khalid decided to head down to sentosa to do the luge, for me, it was the second time, but for him, it was the first. To be perfectly honest, it turned out to be more of a bummer for a few reasons.
no. 1 - there was a crowd, and we couldnt go fast
no.2 - we got marked because we were "driving recklessly"
so the second set of rides was really a bummer. well, too bad. heh, even talking about it here makes me feel the killjoy effect.

anyway, that didnt mark the end of the night. khalid made the CRAZIEST suggestion to go for the reverse bungee. and THAT erased 'bummer' from my evening. at first, we just wanted to go for the reverse bungee, but in the end, we decided to go for the combo package. 50 bucks for each ticket, and it's totally worth it, okay, maybe the impromptu decision added to the adrenalin rush.

The combo 'set' included the other ride; the extreme swing. We did the extreme swing first, since there was a queue at the reverse bungee. Both of us, having no idea what it was like. Strapped into our seats tight by 2 cool Gmax personnel, the ride, works like a pendulum. We were pulled back by a machine, slowly of course, 40 meters into the night sky (that's 10 storeys). Slowly, from facing the Singapore River, we were facing the ground( i mean, you gotta look up to look at the river, get it?).

"When you see the green light, hold this rope, and do a punching action" - that was the instruction. The rope, was to release us from the mechanism that held us from that height. Khalid, got the honour of releasing us. I looked at him do it, but he only let the rope go like that, forgetting that he has to do a punching action. So i dutifully reminded him,

At the top of my voice,

"PUNCH LAH STUPID" - me

*sound of latch released*
*followed by momentary silence*

" $@#^%$#%$@ ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" - me.
*scared shitless to make any sound* - khalid.

haha! the thought of it still makes me laugh.
khalid only started screaming when we were swinging upwards.

THEN we did our reverse bungee, you all know how it works, i dont have to explain.

"are the cords fully tightened yet?" - me
'not yet' - khalid

a while later...

"okay, he's gonna press the but..." - khalid

*WHOOSH*

the launch into the night sky felt like i was in a rocket with the wind against my face. I felt like it was something i could do over and over again. However, the spinning after-effects was really sick. I felt like a doll being thrown around in the air for a while.

Alright, enough words, time for pics and a video!

Before

Ready The cool personnel at the extreme swing And the reverse bungee!

"last time"

Mas Selamat Kastari

2008-03-17T09:11:00.002+08:00

now now, this is too much!

i said he doesnt deserve attention, but i guess i just have to share my thoughts on MR MSK here and the politics surrounding him!

Mr Brown was right, no catch, doesnt mean no news, there are still updates about him, but not on his whereabouts, rather, more on his facial features, limp that is only obvious when he walks fast or runs, and the list goes on.....

well, the big question remains, how on earth did he escape?

i mean, everyone would agree with me that someone like him deserves all the stops pulled out in terms of security. surely he must at least be hand and leg cuffed, or electronically tagged or whatever other restraining methods put in place. but yet he still escapes?

and im starting to hear conspiracy theories already,
from serious ones like - "he got tortured, and is dead now, so the government is just using this escape thing as a cover up"
to just hilarious ones like - "he knows black magic, so he transformed himself into water and escaped through the pipes of the toilet"
if the second one were true, i think after going through pipes of sewerage, locating him via the sense of smell would suffice.

but look at it this way, if he really did give the guards a slip, where does that leave the economy of Singapore? 3 weeks have gone, and he's still out there. That's enough time for him to regroup and recruit. But im sure the people, in the green and the blue with 3 crests on each shoulder, know that already. If he manages to do so sucessfully, then Singapore will take a fall yes?

think about it - and yes, students in JC taking economics, you might wanna consider this as well.

A "security lapse" has allowed a wanted man to escape, he's on the loose, and has the capability of carrying out another terrorist attack. If investors knew that, would they trust Singapore with their investments? So then what happens to our economy which partially depends on foreign investments? One way or the other, it will be affected, however, at what magnitude, that remains a question. Because after all, there might be some of them who still wanna risk it or have faith that Mr JI Leader wont be much of a threat with no weapons and a limp.

that leaves me wondering, how come Mr Lee Kuan Yew isnt talking about it?
i mean, he always comes in when the economy is concerned.
that's my observation at least.

looking at the bright side, i might be one of them searching for him come July, after my BMT.

Oh come on, stop the damn drilling already.

"hit the ground"

Pneumatic Headache

2008-03-15T13:37:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to be at the NUS open house with khalid right now.
But i ain't feeling that well to get out of the house.
And it doesnt help to have the sound of pneumatic drills in the background.
They've been my alarm clock these few days, waking me up from my peaceful sleep.

Why drills? well, you see, my block is undergoing a Lift Upgrading Programme.
Haha, and i suppose only ulu estates have to undergo it, right sweetheart?
And it's only making my headache worse.
Man, i hope they get it over and done with quick.

oh, and Happy Birthday, Dad.
If only you could read this post.

"blue skies"

When It Rains

2008-03-13T22:23:00.004+08:00

Life is perfect with it's ups and downs.
That's the grace of God for you.

Let's do a debrief on the past 2 camps,

for Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary, i suppose i did my job well,
because the students kept telling me that they started crying once they were back at school,
i took a technical class along with a fellow trainer, and taught them what i taught the students of deyi sec, the fact that streams and grades dont make the people and most importantly, the core values of life, trust, respect, faith and not forgetting the ten-years-series value; teamwork.

As for Woodgrove Primary, it was a simple 3 day 2 night camp,
i was lucky enough to get my group through the high elements, the famous milo pond FOUR times, and also halfway through the Sarimbun Challenge, which is sorta like Amazing Race. For other trainers, they were unlucky enough to let the rain spoil the camp.

Just before campfire, God decided to switch off the rain, and bring out the blue skies within a minute, miraculously; from heavy rain, and overcast clouds, to zero drops of rain, blue skies, and the shining evening sun. However, with flooded campfire pits, the campfire had to be done indoors. I felt that the statement that "rain didnt dampen your spirits" really applied here, their campfire was still happening even though it was held indoors, and i felt contented to have MCed their camp, despite me losing my voice.

Camps are one of the many escapisms from reality, such as A-level grades, and other worries presented in the media. Dont expect me to talk about my grades or Mas Selamat Kastari here. Both dont deserve much attention, i just wanna know the truth to how someone LIMPING could escape.

Moving on, i really love spending time with my loved ones, i guess camp has really made me miss them alot, and even though i dont show it, it doesnt mean that i dont love them. One can blame the fatigue that's beginning to set a cast in my face, complete with dark eyebags and tanned skin.

Nonetheless, family, girlfriend, and best friends = Perfection with it's ups and downs.

Here are some pics taken over the past few days.

Me and Amin, we share a lot in common as friends and as trainers, and i would consider myself to be closest to him. We just had to take pictures together since we both know it might be our last camp together. I mean, he's got school, and i'm gonna be serving. So yeah, you get the drift.
The hip hop, and the rodeo.
My Girl wrapped up in my windbreaker.
Ankle Breaker
"Just feel better"

On Second Thought

2008-03-10T00:38:00.003+08:00

Id wanna update about my past week with Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary and also reflections for my rseults,
but on second thought, i got work tomorrow,
and at the same time, my eyelids feel like they're being pulled like lead weights.

well, i just have to write this down at least;
i have a hottie for a girlfriend,
and im proud of it!

where i look like a spastic clown, she looks so glam with that pose and hair.
model like!

alright, i guess its lights out for me now.

"pace is too fast"

Time Lapse

2008-03-01T19:42:00.008+08:00

5 Days and 4 nights at camp can really get to you.

especially when you do it week after week after week after week.
yes i know, it's my choice, and i shouldnt be complaining.
i just cant help it though, i need to rant it out somewhere.

and thank you, nuzurath, for listening to me rant and rant about camps.
you light up the darkest corners of my life and keep me in a continuous daydream
you do know that right?

for one thing, you dont know what has been going on around the world.
Jemaah Islamiyah detainee escapes, and i have no idea about it.
Food costs rising, A level results coming, etcetera.
and im still in the blur.

At least i had fun with the students from deyi sec, it's been a while since i did a secondary school.
and i was pleasantly surprised that they were much much more enthusiastic than a few of the express classes, very obedient and just fun to be with,

here's my shoutout to the class of 204 from deyi sec,

like i said in camp, so what if you guys are from normal acad, that doesnt mean you're lousier than express students. you're taking O levels as well, you're doing same subjects as them, prove your worth, and dont let anyone label you down. Whether you end up a sucessful graduate or on the streets lying drunk is entirely your choice. Understand?

If i say understand you go; understood. Understand?

Now, i just hope i can say the same for my next batch of campers from ahmad ibrahim sec, i definitely know it's a technical class, and let's see what kind of students they are.
fine, i am guilty of labelling, but im secretly hoping they're not as bad as i think they are.
5 days 4 nights, it's either make or break with them through the week.

Now, enough words, time to bring out pictures of my past 2 weeks!

Camwhoring by the beach after my kayaking session
A huge insect at Sarimbun which digs it's own nest
Taking the opportunity to meet her after taking charge of kayaking sessions for Junyuan Sec and also before taking a group from Dazhong Primary
Full Moon - on a thursday night and on the 15th day of the lunar new year during the end of the night hike for Dazhong PrimaryAmirullah, student from Dazhong primary, not from my group though, a very fierce group leader, but such and adorable dude. That dot on my head was placed there by students of my group to celebrate racial harmony, since that was the theme of the camp.Me, and L, like i mentioned in the blogpost before this one, it was only a mediocre movie.
Leftfoot, coming soon at The CathayIn the train with Dinie on the way to Vivo
Dinner at Secret Recipe to celebrate her birthday!View from the skyride at sentosa.
Carlsberg tower as viewed from SentosaHappy Birthday Bestie! Total Excitement from the Luge and Skyride.
Waiting for the beach tram.Camwhoring on the beach tram, where we spent time catching up.View from Dairy Farm Quarry, accompanying students from Concord Primary for their nature guided walk

The same place where i took that pic of the full moon, but during day time now.Rubber tree seeds, they look like bird's eggs.Looks like an orchid, but i doubt so, it's a common flowering weed which i found along the nature trail.another common flowering weed, which looks like a daisy.Parallel west to my position as i took this pic, would be the PIE, but drivers wouldnt know that
Believe it or not, that's a firefly.and this is the exact same firefly, with the lights off.

that's it, long post, oh well, i guess i should thank you if you read till this point.
cheers.

"halcyon reminiscence"

Squeeze

2008-02-25T01:11:00.002+08:00

I know, i know, i should be sleeping by now, because i have 2 camps within this week.

but, i think i should update before i go.

simple but short.

Happy 19th birthday bestie!
we sure had a fun day didnt we?

L change the world (which was a mediocre movie)
Dinner and catching up at Secret Recipe,
Sentosa for skyride and luge,
Continued catching up over a tram ride,
and Mudpie with a candle at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.

got a few pics, but wont upload them up here for now.
most probably when i get back from camp.

and to my sweetheart,
i know things are difficult for you,
council, studies,
most of all, the fact that your boyfriend is at camps for 5 days and 4 nights in a week.
forgive me.

while i know it's taking a toll on you, remember the purpose.
i want you to know this at least;
that it eats me inside knowing that you are going through pounds of pressure,
and the fact that im not at your disposal, makes me feel like im adding salt to your wounds.

again i plead, forgive me.
again i beg, forgive me.
i dont know how tough it is to not have that special someone there for you all the time.
im really sorry. i know that i've said whatever i've just written here to you before.
but i guess it wont hurt to etch the words here in my blog.
so whenever you're down and out, and im not there, just read this post alright?

When I look into your eyes,
I see more than just the world.
I see all I've ever wanted,
and ever hoped for in a girl.

I see a heart of worth so high,
a heart of sweet humility.
Endless sunshine from your smile,
a charm that lasts eternity.

Of all the beauty I've perceived,
there's nothing else I'd rather see.
Than just to look into your eyes,
And see you smiling back at me.

I love you. You know i do.

"in your eyes"

Look Into My Eyes

2008-02-18T10:25:00.002+08:00

Im leaving home for camp in about a few minutes time,
got my bag packed and ready to go.

okay, not really complete, still have to put in a few small things in my bag before leaving, like, booties, slippers, antiseptic cream, and deodorant. But before i go, i'll leave you with my favourite song at the moment.

The song is entitled "Look Into My Eyes" and it's actually a poem written by a Palestinian teen during the seemingly incessant Israel-Palestine conflict. The lyrics paint a contrasting picture of the life that she is going through, and the life that Americans go through. Personally, i did feel a pinch when listening to the song, maybe you will, maybe you wont. But whatever the outcome, it'll speak volumes about the type of person you are.

Here it is, Look Into My Eyes, by a danish hip-hop group, Outlandish.

Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
You don't see a damn thing
'cause you can't relate to me

You're blinded by our differences
My life makes no sense to you
I'm the persecuted one
You're the red, white and blue

Each day you wake in tranquility
No fears to cross your eyes
Each day I wake in gratitude
Thanking God He let me rise

You worry about your education
And the bills you have to pay
I worry about my vulnerable life
And if I'll survive another day

Your biggest fear is getting a ticket
As you cruise your Cadillac
My fear is that the tank that has just left
Will turn around and come back

Yet, do you know the truth of where your money goes?
Do you let the media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth nobody, nobody, nobody knows?
Has our world gone all blind?

Do you know the truth of where your money goes?
Do you let the media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth nobody, nobody, nobody knows?
Someone tell me ...

Ooohh, let's not cry tonight
I promise you one day it's through
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters
Ooohh, shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters

See I've known terror for quite some time
57 years so cruel
Terror breathes the air I breathe
It's the checkpoint on my way to school

Terror is the robbery of my land
And the torture of my mother
The imprisonment of my innocent father
The bullet in my baby brother

The bulldozers and the tanks
The gases and the guns
The bombs that fall outside my door
All due to your funds

You blame me for defending myself
Against the ways of my enemies
I'm terrorized in my own land
What? And I'm the terrorist

Do you know the truth of where your money goes?
Do you let the media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth nobody, nobody, nobody knows?
Has our world gone all blind?

Yet, do you know the truth of where your money goes?
Do you let the media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth nobody, nobody, nobody knows?
Someone tell me ...

Ooohh, let's not cry tonight, I promise you one day it's through
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,
Ooohh, shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,

American , do you realize that the taxes that you pay
Feed the forces that traumatize my every living day
So if I won't be here tomorrow
It's written in my fate
May the future bring a brighter day
The end of our wait

"Decorated deceit"

Convoy

2008-02-15T16:05:00.005+08:00

back from a rather draining, and energy-leeching camp,the school this time is my first primary school camp to be held at dearly-missed Sarimbun Scouts Camp.

Go ahead, make a guess - Which school was unlucky enough to have instructor nazry scream at them?

Make a GOOD guess.

Ans : SJI Junior ; formerly St Michael's School.

Nothing much. Just screaming, screaming, and more screaming.
Oh, and a deep deep cut in my right index finger.
To the extent that i thought to myself : "Why on earth did i go for the camp?"
That's why im tired. That's why it felt like a 5 day 4 night camp, instead of a 3 day 2 night camp.
And leaving the campsite in a convoy of buses was a big relief.

Well, i caught jumper with my girl on post valentine's day. and i still feel shitty for not buying her anything due to my lack of income. yes yes, the ungrateful boyfriend, for now at least.
Jumper is a really good show when it comes to special effects. It had adrenalin-pumping fight scenes, and also my beloved primary school game; catching. But, an anti-climax ending. so a 3 out of 5 for the story line, 4 for effects.

i guess that's about it for now, need to hit the sack early because im working tomorrow and also because im tired from today's kayaking session.

Campers for this group range from 7 years old all the way to 45 years old.
So imagine getting them to hit the water, which, by the way would be challenging for a star 1 kayaker. Enough said. You get the drift. Im outta here.

"november"

Valentine's Week

2008-02-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

Alright, valentine's day is coming up and i guess im one of the lucky ones out there to be able to share it with a beautiful girl.

HOWEVER, my advice to boyfriends and also potential boyfriends out there.
It's never enough to assume that she'll be yours forever, i think the best way to make her happy would be to treat her just like you would when you are wooing her.

No, you dont have to use money, just make sure she's truly happy with you all the time. Make her laugh, or simply charm her with your smile.

BECAUSE, you never know when another guy might just come, and charm his way to her heart.
The key here would be to make sure that no other guy would be able to match up to your skills of captivating her.

Why am i posting this? Call it a note-to-self in the event that your girlfriend talks to you about her eye-candy and goes all googly-eyed as she describes how he looks.

Just one more thing, make sure you still ask her to be your valentine.
That way, if a guy goes up to her and does the same,
she'll have no choice but to say - "sorry, i've already got a valentine"

rather than, "sorry, i'm attached", because then she'll be left to think - "my boyfriend's so unromantic, he doesnt ask me to be his valentine"

sorry kiddo, she's mine.

It's just my take on how to play your cards right guys, and it's extremely subjective.
Subject here, being the girl herself.
Because it's as sure as hell aint gonna work on materialistic bimbos, lians, and minahs.
What do they know about romance?

If you're angry at me after reading those sentence, you've just insulted yourself.
Oh? Did i lose you there? I'm sorry, because this aint a fifth grader's blog.

Back to topic,
bottom line; BE SWEET and continue doing your best to woo her!
even though you know she's yours.

am i right, sweetheart?

"in place of mistakes"

Confusion, frustrations

2008-02-05T11:10:00.000+08:00

Here's a random post.

Some food for thought, you might call it.

when a child hits the teenage years, the parents will be sure to have one heck of a problem.
let's not blame it on the kid himself/herself. But just look at it from a psychological point of view.

DISCLAIMER : Do not take me too seriously, it's a random post, with a random thought in my mind, arising from handling numerous batches of secondary school students in camps.

usually the problematic year (from my observation) would be when the child reaches 15. At this point, the child would be driven (predominantly) by external influences. If he/she is indeed being subjected to such forces, then it would mean that the child is unable to make his/her own choice, i.e. a hard-standing is absent within his/her heart and mind.

of course this comes from simple observations while doing camps. you see stark difference between the psyche sec 3 and sec 2 students. From how they respond to instructions, to their perception of what is considered "fun" and what is considered "lame".

Like what many instructors would say,

" Lame is their favourite word"
" They dont know what they want"
" They think standing there doing nothing while everyone else is cheering is cool"
" Its just that year, it has to be!"

you would also notice a similar trend between the attitudes of 13 year old primary 5 students as compared to their 11 year old peers.

Hey man, i know what's it like being a 15 year old. I went through it. So coming from that point of view, i believe that what differentiates the good, the bad, and the ugly would be how strong we hold on to our beliefs, our ideals, and our goals and dreams.

Unto you your thoughts, unto me my own thoughts.

"beautiful seed"

Dragonboat

2008-02-02T13:04:00.000+08:00

Back from another week for back to back camps.

Jurongville secondary from monday to wednesday with sec 3 students,
and the rest of the week with sec 2 students from Evergreen secondary.

both camps at Dairy Farm adventure center (DFAC)
so technically 5 days and 4 nights there.
where horny monkeys just have to mate in front of human beings.
this is the second time in 2 weeks that i see monkeys doing it right in front of my eyes.

anyway i think that the jurongville secondary camp was better that of evergreen's,
they had a water activity, which isnt part of the usual programme at DFAC.
but it wasnt kayaking at sarimbun,
they got to do dragon boating at kallang.

starting from the Singapore dragon boating association all the way to Benjamin Shears bridge and back. it was a fun
drenching-other-boats-and-rocking-our-own-boat-back-and-forth-with-a-race-between-other-boats-session.
my group came in 3rd despite having more girl power than guy power, the other 2 boats had more guy power.

here are pictures taken during the dragon boating session.
taken off a student's blog, and not edited by me.
i'm the one standing up directly in the middle of the pictures.

to the class of 3A from Jurongville who are reading this,
you guys are lucky number one to be featured on my blog.
not too sure whether it's a big deal to you guys or not, but if it is, consider yourselves lucky then!

well, for now, i wont be doing any camps till after Chinese New Year, simply because there's no camps till then. And i finally got approval as a relief teacher from MOE. though i doubt i'll be a relief teacher.

number one, it's not as fun as being a outdoor trainer a.k.a camp instructor.
number two, i can't stay indoors for too long.
number three, i dont want to risk destroying someone's future with my half-past average teaching.
number four, i hate being restricted to paper, pens and textbooks.
number five, i have to invest in proper, smart attire instead of buying cool t-shirts.
number six, i wont be able to maintain my figure if i dont do something physical.

the list goes on, but these are just some of them which i can think of as i type right here, right now.

as for the waitering job, i may return there while waiting for after chinese new year, though the probability is low, because i as sure as hell aint gonna entertain guests who'll waste food during Lo Hei during Chinese New Year.

Tossing the food up and down while standing on a chair, i think it's just plain ridiculous.
No offence to the superstitious Chinese, but i think Lo Hei can be done with 7/8 of the food remaining on the original plate. Wouldn't you agree?

Maybe the reason why these people aint getting much luck is because when they toss the food, the food goes on the floor and not back on the plate. Did the rule state that the food that is tossed should mainly fall back into the plate? Just something for the Chinese to ponder about as i end off this post.

"purple light"

Labrador Park

2008-01-26T00:45:00.000+08:00

Back from camps.

This time, Yumin Primary at Labrador adventure center
and, Marsiling Sec at Dairy Farm adventure center.

I took lots of photos at Labrador Park, so,

Less words,
more pics.

Anyway, on a side note,
Happy 18th Nuzurath!

:)

"overdrive"

Disease

2008-01-20T12:47:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to update a long time ago.
But i suppose i was too caught up with work.

I wont go describe every single damn thing that i did during my camps, there's just too much to go through.

So, just to list down the camps i've done so far and my tasks during those camps.
Here they are, for my own reference.

2-4 : Trainer/Kayaking IC - Bukit Batok Sec
8-9 : Kayaking IC - St Margaret's Sec
14-16 : Trainer/Campfire Emcee - Pasir Ris Crest Sec
16-18 : Trainer - Ang Mo Kio Sec

and there's still more to come.
So far, so good, just a lil hiccup during the Ang Mo Kio Sec camp.

Right now, i'm in pressing need of finances for camp equipment.
My hydropack is leaking, my backpack's back support is bent, my booties are gonna get shredded into strips of cloth soon, and i think i should invest in a pair of trekking shoes.

I caught up with my girlfriend and bestie yesterday after a back to back stint (refer above) for pasir ris crest and ang mo kio sec from 14-18. It's really good to spend some quality time with important people after a long week of work. it's a pity that i cant do the same with the guys though, most of them are in NS.

I guess i'll just abruptly end this post here then.

"magic"

Butterfly

2008-01-07T10:20:00.000+08:00

Alright, I'm looking at another 2 days of sun, sand and sea.
I really hope there'll be the sun.
Wont be too good for me if it's cloudy AND windy the whole day tomorrow.
Still contemplating whether i should stay there overnight, or go home when im done.

Hmm, decisions, decisions.

well, job aside, i wanna take this opportunity to dedicate this next song to my sweetheart

Here i am baby,
Signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm yours.

"be my girl"

Instructor

2008-01-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

Yeah baby.
My 1st time as a camp instructor!

I just came back from a 3D 2N camp.
The cool thing is, im new,
And yet im already assigned kayaking i/c.

Attached to 2 mentors, and a class.
But disappearing from 9-5, to attend to kayaking.
A big task, but i was definitely up to it.

At the end of camp?
An irreplaceable feeling of successfully making an impact on one's life,
the final smiles as you wave to them from outside the bus,
Cause you know that you're the one that put the smiles on them.

Comments from the students and teachers were really encouraging,
Not to mention my fellow trainers who really made me feel welcome,
The way Saints Hockey 06/07 would welcome a newbie.
Complete with sabotages.

That aside, for the convenience of my dearest D.A. and bestie,
and for others who are curious as to my working 'shifts',
here they are, do note they are subject to change, but are unlikely.

14 Jan-16 Jan
16 Jan-18 Jan
21 Jan-23 Jan
23 Jan-25 Jan
28 Jan-30 Jan
30 Jan-1st Feb

Crazy? Yeah.
Call it, baby steps towards NS.

Oh and one last thing,

"and after about ONE YEAR of friendship, my closest dearest BESTIE finally found out my real birthdate. haha. one year's pathetic for someone who spent most of his days with u in school and yet he doesnt knw the start of ur existence. im still mad okay BUT i was proud of him cause he discovered it HIMSELF without asking anyone (: well okay, it was also thanks to carelessness on my behalf. but still, WELL DONE LA BESTIE :D"

I told you id find out your birthday,
One way or another, Nazry delivers.

Oh yeah.

Okay, NOW, i feel like sleeping.
Now, as in 1.18 am, 4th January 2008.

"rock out"

2008

2008-01-01T15:21:00.000+08:00

Happy new year everyone!

Hope you guys can achieve your new year resolutions.

Well, i suppose most people were enjoying themselves at countdown parties, or at the comfort of their own home celebrating with the family.

Guess where i was at?
Go ahead, make a good guess.

I was working! you might think im a loser, but hey, when you're paid $9 per hour, it aint loser at all. The function wasnt that great either, it was more like a countdown for senior citizens. The music was those of the 60's, for example, the live band played music from the beatles, bee gees, and elvis presley. and through the dinner, you'd have the guests dancing their trademark 'senior citizen' ballroom dance. I'm sure you've seen them at community centers.

Well, on a happier side note, this is the 2nd countdown for me working at swissotel. Lots of memories there, both good and bad. Sometimes, i get treated like a slave, sometimes, like the best waiter that has ever worked there. There's just something about that hotel that makes me keep coming back.

Moving on, new year, new resolutions, and a beautiful start today.
Spent quite sometime talking to D.A. today over the phone,
and it is as always, such a bliss conversing with her.

you know i miss you.

Basically, with a new year, everything's gonna be just a new start to things, for myself, i have a new job, and i begin tomorrow, as a camp instructor, in addition to the job i currently have.
Not to mention NS in about 3 months time or less.

Time will pass by in a snap. So i guess it's important for me to savour my 'free' life now before i pack for Tekong. Everything from guitar playing, watching tv, surfing the net, to playing with my sis, hanging out with buddies, and not to forget, taking a leisurely walk by the beach with that someone special.

That's it for now i guess,
I hope everyone reading this will have a great year ahead.

Cheers!
Nazry.

I Promise You

2007-12-29T13:07:00.000+08:00

I wont suffer,
be broken,
get tired,
or wasted,
Surrender to nothing,
or give up what I started,

and stopped it,
from end to beginning,
a new day is coming,
now just let me be free.

Kill of my thinking,
its starting to sink in,
Im losing control now,
and without you,
i can finally see.

Your promises,
they look like lies,
Your honesty,
like a back that hides a knife.

'i promise you, i promise you'

Liars,
Deceivers,
Bloodsuckers,
thats what you all are,
and always have been.

Go chase yourself,
all of you,
each and everyone of you.

"run away now"

How You Roll

2007-12-25T19:35:00.000+08:00

You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day

And once you're done contemplating about your bad day,
get back into the funk with this next track.

come on, can you feel it?

The year's coming to a close, so dont end it on a sour note!

"funk"

Revised

2007-12-22T15:10:00.000+08:00

i lay feeling sick, sinking in my chair.

backaches and a slight fever. not good, not good at all.

i've been thinking alot these past few days. about 2 things.

1. Overcrowding in Singapore.
2. Parents

as usual, i'll take this step by step.

issue 1, overcrowding.
i dont know about you guys reading this, but i feel like there's too many people living in Singapore already. if the government were to let more people in, i just get the feeling like the number of vehicles in this country will quadruple and the people in buses and trains would be sardines in a can.

4 years ago, everybody could get on the train or the bus during peak hours with relative ease. Just look at the current situation now, some people have to wait for the next train or bus, and even then they wont be able to get on.

Look at the expressways now. again, 4 years ago, traffic would NEVER come to a perfect standstill, even with a major accident. Now look, during peak hours, traffic can come to a dead stop, as if there's traffic lights on the expressway. and now just one motorbike on the floor can just stop the traffic flow.

does the government really know about all these? do they not have a first hand experience about the conditions on the roads and on the public transport these days? all i see in the media is just pictures of the politicians with a mike, and their moving lips. I dont see them actually on an attempt to understand how life is like for the 'peasants'. So i just want to know, do they REALLY understand us? do they REALLY know what its like?

i for one wont dare say such things to anyone unless i've REALLY been there. well, then again, would they read this blog? would they listen out to what one of their citizen has to say? only they can tell. would i get arrested for writing such things? would i have to pay a fine to write such things? questions, questions, questions. Left unanswered.

Issue 2. Parents. No, i am not here to condemn, neither am i here to tell insinuate anything to them. I'm just here to reflect, type down what i feel and to ask questions that no adult would give A DAMN about.

because we're just teens, because i dont know what it's like in the workforce, because im still sheltered. partially true, because i am working, and at the same time sheltered by the roof that my parents bought.

Parents, always tell us that we are not appreciative. Well, i dont have to say why, just look at some us out there, behaving like we own the streets. Some of us are territorial, in our packs, each with an emblem of unison on their God-given skin. But remember, it is dangerous to generalize. Too dangerous. And not all of us act like we own the streets, and not all of us are ingrates.

Okay, so at times there comes a point in the life of a teen in which the parents will treat you like an ingrate, like they dont see anything in you. Question is, are the parents appreciative of us? A child is God's greatest gift to a married couple, but im sure most parents will not see that until they are on the brink of losing us. Hey i'm not promoting suicide here - you should get what i mean.

Do they not thank God to know that we return home daily without a scratch? without ink under our skins? without alcohol in our blood? without worrying that she hasnt sold her body, and that he hasnt disrespected someone's else daughter? or for that matter, return home at all? Hey, what God put on this world, He can take back, like it wasnt there.

And when the married couple has been granted more than one child, are they thanking the Heavens that each an everyone of them has returned home safely? again, repeating the same scenario as mentioned above?

so some of us happened to be disobedient at times, but does that give them the right to morally degrade us with their words? from what i've learnt so far, it'd be more productive if the right way to do things was shown to them, and the benefits that lay ahead if they do things correctly.

sometimes a child may feel like trash after going through a barrage of utmost hurtful words after trying their best, but are just an inch shy of pleasing them. and to add salt to the wound, the brother or the sister is praised incessantly even for lifting an ant. isnt this one of the top reasons why children run away from home? the reason why even a 9-year-old kid commits suicide?

and when they're on the floor, lying dead, in their own blood, i want to know which condemned parent will dare smirk under their breath. because personally i feel these people deserve their name on the side of a nine millimeter cartridge.

Favouritism, some of them may not realise that they practice it. It's a big no no.
But even when they do realise that they practice it, do they go up to their child and apologise?
people make mistakes, but the damage done will stay there forever if one doesnt push their pride aside.

for those who just suck it up to their parents, you earn my respect, no questions asked.
after all, we will be the ones taking care of them, in their sunset years.

again, that doesnt give us every right to treat them like trash either, because they took care of us in our years of sunrise.

teenage life is tough. personally, i just suck it up, and let it go.

If only the government and some parents would read this post. Oh well.

"when losing your mind"

Bad Weather

2007-12-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

it's just about over a week now after my operation. and everything seems good.
my throat feels much better now.
i can talk and swallow much easily now.
and i can eat normal food now.

but, im still on MC and medication. my visit to the hospital to have my surgeon check on me ended up with me paying 53 dollars inclusive of medication.

the breakdown
- $20 on consultation fee
- $33 for medication.

my surgeon topped up my antibiotics, gargle solution and lozenges. Expensive.
Well, that's punishment for spending too much on guitars and having to discontinue work because im on MC.

I need money. Oh well, hopefully i'll get that camp instructor job to compliment my job at the hotel. At this pressing moment i need the finances. but once im relieved of that pressure, i can enjoy my 3 months of freedom before answering the call of Pulau Tekong.

One by one my friends are going in, Army, Police, Civil Defence. Hopefully i'll get some pointers from them when they get the chance to establish contact with me again before i head in.

i tend to feel sleepy these days. must be the weather.

"get to me"